I had a baby and his name was Zack.
And I want to talk about it.
He was a real person and I loved him.
And I didn't want to say his name and now I do.
Because I named him.
Which I couldn't talk about till right now. I don't know why. But I want his name now.
Zack is not the dead little left overs of him that I got to see but the baby that moved around in me and that I loved. That had a soul and knew nothing but the love I sent to him constantly.
He was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing I thought about at night.
He's still the last thing I think about at night.
The little man that tried really hard to make it and just couldn't.
That Zack.
The one that made me puke and laughed about it.
The one that I had all to myself for a few months.
His name was Zack. I miss him.
We only got 16 weeks together which was so much better than nothing at all. It really was.
Because we loved eachother.
His name was Zack. Let's use it.
(but not to Josh. He's not there yet.)
Zack
Zack
Zack
Zack, Zack, Zack.
ReplyDeleteIt's so good to remember...
and say...
and remember....
and say some more...
My fb status today was "When Joshua is remembered and honored, tiny pieces of my heart are healed and restored."
I think you will get to that point- saying Zack's name and remembering him will bring healing and restoration to your heart.
Thank God for Zack. Zack came to you for a short time, but will be with you for always. It's good to see you healing.
ReplyDeleteBrookie,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. You've brought back memories of a miscarriage between my Eldest and Middlest. There is a large gap between their ages. I always wondered it if might have been a boy. We never found out. You are so strong.
Dana
Your post got me. Hugs to you Brooke. I will see you at work soon.
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, I am so so so sorry for the loss of your dear son! I'm sure Zack will always be a special part of your family. I understand your feelings about using his name. I had a very troubled & scary pregnancy from the start with Sarah and was in the hospital and on bed rest often. I named her immediately in my tummy as a way for others to understand what an important little girl she was to us. I truly expected the worst. I was somehow blessed to deliver at term. I don't take a single day for granted. You are an amazing mother and I wish you and your hubby great peace and comfort when thinking about Zack.
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
Leslie
Brooke you have an amazing way with words. You are able to say what so many moms feel. Amazing
ReplyDeleteAmy