Friday, January 21, 2011

::real preschool (SCREAM)::

Mr. Max is coming along with his potty training.  He might not actually have to go to NFL training camp in diapers.  There is some hope at the end of the tunnel.  I feel that it is not shooting to high to hope that he is reliable by next August.

Which means that he will be ready to start preschool.  (end sentence with horror movie music)

Why the background music?  I am scared to send Max to preschool.  I wasn’t scared to send Lily.  She was off to day care at 9 weeks and started Goddard at 9month till the summer before kindergarten.  But I am scared to send Max.  Why?

The truth – I have no freaking idea.  I can give you all kinds of reasons and excuses but they are lame.  I really have no idea why I can’t send him away, but here are a few possibilities.

He was in Goddard last year when he ended up in PICU with RSV pneumonia.  I am scared of him being around all those germs.  Even though I feel like we know how to medically treat him now to not let him get that sick.

He had extra curly hair and I like to have it in my presence at all times.

He is the baby that I thought was my last and I have some really odd weirdo connection to keeping him a baby.  Which should relax some, once this next baby shows up.

I am used to him being at home with the G.’s (my wonderful neighbor helpers) or myself and I am acting too controlling.  Which is my nature.  Which makes me a good NICU nurse, so I am not making that something to work on. 

Please pick which one you think it is or add your own.  Help me figure this out.

SIDE NOTE:  I wrote this before the baby died.  But I wanted to post it any way.  I think me can add -
Max brings me such pure and true happiness that I fear being away from him.  But it still hasn't even been a week yet since the baby died.  I think being over attached to Max right now is ok.  But someone stop me before it gets weird.  I don't want him in my basement when he is 30.  

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