Monday, March 29, 2010

::babies - the more the better::

Prego with lily at 25


Babies at work.  Babies on the brain.  At work yesterday I got called to a delivery of a kid that ended up being fine.  The dad walked over to the warmer and said, "it's so nice to finally meet you buddy".  Good freaking thing I had a mask on cause I burst into tears.  With some people I just hint about it and with some people I just lay it out.  It's nice at work because I just flat out say it "I WANT ANOTHER BABY!" 

Lily at 30 mins old

Now - if you know me at all you know that I have a really hard time knowing when to stop on something that I really like.  (Curse you Qdoba!)  And I REALLLLLY like this mommy thing.  It isn't just the pregnancy I want.  I honestly don't care if I am pregnant again.  I enjoyed it, and had peaceful successful pregnancies but its the baby/future kid I want. 

Max on board

A week after Max was born Josh told me he wanted a vasectomy and in that post baby haze I agreed.  We got our appointment and loaded up our then 4 week old and got the procedure.  It was the worst mistake I have ever made.  If I had told him no he would have dropped it but because I went along it happened.  I try to look at most mistakes as chances for growth but this one was just a pure and simple screw up.  


Now what?  The reversal is going to run 7K plus.  We are just finally at the point that we are getting somewhere financially but we no longer have any credit cards so that option is out.  (Don't get jealous, we don't have credit cards but we still have the chaos that we let them cause to repair.)  In about 5 years we should be at the point that we can afford something as important as the reversal.  But in five years I will be 37!  I know people have babies all the time at that age, but it just isn't for me.  And the chances of the reversal working decrease with time.  If we are going to do this we need to do it.  But how?


41 weeks waiting for this snuggle

I really admire all you ladies out there that go through infertility and manage to not loose your mind or kill your spouse.  I have my other shorties to keep me happy and focused but baby number 3.5 (Emma is only half mine) is always on my mind.  It will be so nice to finally get to meet him...  


My brain says - you have no room to whine.  Your life is about as perfect for you as it gets so shut up and pull your self up by the boot straps.  BOILER UP as we say in this house.  If I want another baby that bad then I will  make the vasectomy reversal happen.  Josh says he is willing to go through it but figuring out the money is my problem.  I will keep working on it.  

3 comments:

  1. brookie...i love you so much. you have such a beautiful family. you are brave to blog so boldly; it makes me want to talk to you soon. love you :)

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  2. Feels good to just get it off my chest. Now back to the shorties that are already looking at me - but I still have part of my brain figuring out the baby situation. To be continued...

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  3. wow--good for you! I love a big family:)

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