::today::

4AM - Today is the day.  

Josh's vasectomy reversal.

Arrival time is 6am and procedure time is 8am.  

I feel -

scared

anxious 

guilty

selfish 

responsible

Fingers crossed.   Will update later.


Edit from 4:27pm


It all went well.


Josh was the saddest little egg in the land when we woke up.  I think he wanted to kill me.  He was so pitiful.  I wanted to crawl in bed with him.  So I basically did.  Which made very happy.  He finds me soothing for some reason.  They nerve blocked him so it wasn't the pain - just the disorientation from being under.

When the Dr came out to talk to me he gave me pictures of Josh's new swimmers.  I almost cried to see them.  Love those little tails.  


The Dr called us at 8:30p last night to tell us he was stuck in Denver related to plane issues.  He called back at 10:30 to say he made the last standby spot and we were still on.  He called on his personal phone and was so gracious.  I wanted to hug him this morning.


When we got to register this morning the told us me owed them $3,500 in cash.  It took all my control I have been working on to calming explain that we did not and why.  We are the first people to go through using this financing program.  There was just some confusion with that.  I think if we had to leave I would have never talked Josh into it again.


Shelly.   Oh my dear Shelly.   It never occurred to me that after they took Josh back I would be all alone and freaking out.  I sent out a text telling every one it had started.  Shelly smelled my fear.  She immediately loads up her 1.5 year old and comes over.  Bringing food and Starbucks.  Just-the-way-I-like-it Starbucks.  Not even Josh knows that.  (I drink it about 5 times a year, but I love it.)  They sat with me from 9am till I went back to see Josh around 12:30.  Overall, I was at this place from 6am-1pm.  I would have gone stark raging MAD if Shelly had not shown up.  I was pacing like a caged animal just before she showed up and that was one hour alone.  I needed her more than I can express and she showed up.  I am so blessed.  It meant so very much to me.  And it taught me a good lesson.  You may not be able to drop everything all the time, but sometimes I should throw my schedule in the wind and just go be present for my friends.  Plus - it was WONDERFUL to get to send time with Baby J (Layton), who might be one of the most amazing kids alive.  I am tearing up just thinking about how lucky I am to have her.  And all of you lovies that couldn't come - I love you too.  Great support via text and email this morning.  I am so lucky.