::jobby joberson::

Max was two gestational weeks old in this picture from my nursing school graduation

I am not loving this new gig. 

I am so bored that I often think about jumping out the window.  OK - not really jumping but I would say that my largest emotion at work in pure dull grey colored boredom.  And I don't take boredom well.  I am used to a unit twice as big and babies that are way sicker.  If there have to be sick babies in the world than I need to make them better.  Not just play over paid babysitter all day long.  There have to be crazy people like me in the world that want to save babies from dying and can deal with the emotional drama of it.  Just like there have to be nurses that want to feed other peoples babies all day and do little else.  I am not that person.  It doesn't make me better than them, just different.  Or maybe it means I am totally nuts. 

The other issues I have with the new unit is that I was sold that I would float to other units - which I have rarely been able to do.  I was not supposed to be in one unit long enough to care that much about it or to have any opinion about if I "liked" it or not.  I wanted to be a gypsy going to different units every few days then repeating the pattern.  But it seems I am stuck there.   

It is all private rooms and I feel like I hardly ever see other people.  I do LOVE the staff.  They are wonderful, but I hardly get to play with them due to the private room layout.  Some of the best things I learned in my old unit came from watching my peers do things.  (Oh Cathy Firestone, can't I come watch you place more IV's and do art sticks?)   

I am lonely - bored - on auto pilot - under stimulated - isolated - under utilized. 

Now lets talk money.  People in my old job and new job have commented on the big bucks I could rake in as a resource team nurse.  But here is the loop hole - I only get paid when I work.  AND I get canceled almost weekly.  I have not had one single flipping two week paycheck that has actually been for 72 hours.  Not one.  I was hired on with promises out the wazoo about how I would rarely be canceled.  Bull shit.  I don't know if they knew it was untrue or if they had no real concept.  I would like to think the later. 

Then let's get my last issue out - the resource team itself is bizarrely scattered in how they take care of me.  I have to send daily reminders making them do anything that I need done.  I think that since I am in NICU alone (with out any other resource team members) that I am very out-of-sight-out-of-mind for them.  I put a wasteful amount of effort being a squeaky wheel to make them do their jobs.  I get that I need to be my own advocate, but this is just comical.

On the bright side, I am supposed to start FINALLY cross training to the ER as of Monday.  These are two shifts every week that are scheduled and can not be canceled.  I make less money when I am training, and I should be training for 6 weeks or more, but I feel it is a good investment.  I adore the ER.  It's so busy and open and social and active and foreign and crazy and loud.  purrrrrrr.   Another good thing is that the few times I have floated to family care I have been glowing with happiness.  They know how to love each other on that unit and still give good care.  Perfect.  Once my ED training is done I will begin throwing fits to get trained to family care.  THEN I should be able to not get canceled and still be growing and learning as a nurse.  I feel hopeful that with my constant (and tiring) fussing I can still make this stupid job work, for awhile.  Till I am ready to go back home.