The kids were off school the Monday of my last appointment with Zack. They were busting to hear his little heart beat, so we took them with us. And we all heard the horrible silence at the same time. It was important to us to make some new memories this time. BUT NOT AT THE DR OFFICE. I will never take those kids with me to an OB appointment again. That led us to a "Gender Cake."
We went for our ultrasound this morning at 8am. They scanned and scanned and freaked me out by looking at the heart too long. The tech told me that this baby was only 18 weeks and the heart was appropriately size but too small to see everything they wanted to see. The baby got a clean bill of health but they wanted to check the heart again in a one month. She told me that she had no reason to think anything was wrong with it, and that she could tell the baby did not have any of the horrible things that I see babies die of. (God bless baby Joshua H. - Jill I thought of you lot while she focused on that heart of my baby too long.) I made her tell me twice that everything was normal, but just needed a bigger picture. I was happy with that. We recheck in one month to make sure.
We had her write down what the gender was and put it in an envelope. Then we walked over to my old NICU and had them call my baker friend and tell her. Josh and I had no idea what it was. I met the baker at 5pm and got the gender neutral cake. That night - Lily cut the cake to show us all if the inside was blue or pink. And it was.....
And I am so happy. Because I felt so robbed when Zack died. I wanted that little boy so very badly. I can not replace him, but I can sure hug his little brother extra just to feel the glory of a baby boy in my arms.
Now I need to make 42 lists to figure out sleeping arrangements, college plans, future spouses, and first grade teachers. Important stuff.
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