::been away loosing my mind::

I am over my limit.  Here is why ~ 

-After work on Monday we took Lily to the hospital for vomiting since Friday.  She ended up staying till this afternoon.  Five days in a hospital with a little kid that felt like crap and I felt like I spent the whole week arguing with them to do their jobs.  The good part is that Lily seemed to heal herself.  We don't have any real answers to what was wrong with her.  We might not ever.  I am blessed to have lots of medical friends and I turned facebook into my very own Lily chat room.  It was a wonderful resource.  Nothing like 100 nurses working on a problem.  Lily feels like a million bucks today and we are finally home.  Thank god.  I don't know how my NICU moms make it months having to deal with the hospital.  I would go insane.  I will go into more detail about Lily at a latter time, right now I am just glad to have her home. 

-Back in the real world I beyond overwhelmed.  Once my job realizes that I had to call in twice for being out with Lily I will be on probation.  Great.  It might take them a few months to see it or it could take two days, but eventually I will be getting called down to the principals office.  Obviously worth it, but not something I am excited about.

-For every one thing I cross of my list two heads grow back to replace it.  I just can not seem to find any peace.  I am constantly getting told about things I need to do from every side but no one helps me do them.  Then when I do get something done, I get a note from school or work or both about 2 more things that have to get done.  I am just over my head.  I have always had too much pride that I think I am super human in the amount of crap that I can get done but I am full.  Simply and purely full.  Overwhelmed.  Painted in a corner.  I am not talking about overwhelmed, like usual stuff - the laundry isn't done or the house is messy.  I mean overwhelmed like I don't even know where to start making my list from.  How about I try to make a start with the top five things that need to get done -

        1.  I need to get Max organized for school.  With Lily sick I haven't even met his teacher yet.  I need to make sure I mark down that he has to wear certain colors on certain days and all this other silliness that preschool teachers like to torture me with.  (Make a rocket ship out of toilet paper tubes tonight and bring in to class at 8am tomorrow. - JK - but you get the idea.)

     2.  Make sure Lily is organized for school.  Get the important dates in the calendar.  Start her on her back homework.  

    3.  Go get cash and pay the girl that house sat for me while we were gone on vacation.  Don't forget, its tacky and bad manners.  

    4.  Clean off the dinning room table of all the hospital stuff

     5.  Delete that stupid Gnome Town from the iPad.  It is taking up time and mental storage in my head that should go toward something else.  

Ok - maybe those aren't the top five, but they are at least a start.

Lastly - this is the big one.  Things at the Funny Farm have begun to come unraveled.  This is the super short story because I am bored to death about talking about it right now.  Josh and I have beat this topic into the ground.  Normally I love advice and opinions - but I have heard them all on this one and I can't take one more bit of advice.  Please just read it and send me hope for strength.   Part of our property got rezoned into a flood plain.  With that one letter in the mail be lost about 100K in value.  We think.  It is difficult to determine.  We have pursued MANY different option and have finally come to the impossible choice of selling this house.  Even if that means it ends up in a short sale.  Even if that means we end up in a rental till we can save enough to buy another homestead.  (Still a rural rental - don't push me too far.)  After digesting this situation for the last month or more I see lots of positives in it.  I see us getting a fresh start.  Getting rid of a bunch of useless clutter - literally and figuratively.  This gives us the chance to move closer to Josh's family and they dote all over our kids.  Dote - can I use that word?  My grandmother would love it.  Even though moving means switching Lily schools - which is something I said I would never do, I still think that it is the right choice for all of us.  I secretly dream about us selling this place and moving, getting a silly rental that is slightly humorous, buying a piece of land, and making it the dream place we have in mind.  Not with a big cold McMansion, but an efficient house with all the homesteading kind of stuff that we love.  Maybe a solar panel or two - the kind of nerd love stuff I adore. 

It's getting too late.  But I am sleeping terrible now days.  I can't get my brain to let go.  I will be going into more detail on all these topics soon.  Just the therapy of getting to write a little is taking some weight off my shoulders.   

Three happy things to end on a high note -

Quinn is delish.  Seriously delish.  Sitting up and showing off teeth. I am still breast feeding, which has been a challenge.  I am a little proud of that.  I was pumping away while Lily was in the hospital.  Three full time kiddos has been more of a challenge than I thought, but so was two full time kids.  I will figure it out, and thank goodness - Q is a saint of a baby. 

We got a family picture done right before Lily got hospitalized.  She actually puked during it.  But we got it.  And my friend and professional photographer really GOT the picture.  I can't wait to show you.  We haven't got family pictures done since Max was a newborn - and they were so lame.  The new pictures are stunning.  LOVE THEM.

I am getting excited about Lily's party.  I will be posting LOTS about that.  Tomorrow I am going to work on her invites.  For at least one hour.  I will set the timer and make it happen. 

So - now my rambling is done.  Deep breath

Time to go try to sleep.