::2012::

 I would like to formerly apologize to January of 2012.  I spent that time so afraid.  Just crippled with fear.  Terrified of what was going to happen with our baby.  I tried to fake it for the kids.  I wanted to feel normal.  I managed to throw Max a big Wild Things party for his fourth birthday.  Then it snowed like crazy and almost no one could make it.  We didn’t care.  Max partied it up anyway.  I got ready for my delivery and crossed my fingers.

 Deep breath.  Big deep cleansing breath of relief.  The Quinny was born.  With perfect apgars of 9 and 9.  Josh delivered him - a shock to us both.  It was 100% a text book perfect delivery.  The first sound Quinny ever heard that wasn’t under water was me laughing.  I tear up just thinking about it.  My whole heart was completely put back together, and even stronger, once that baby was in my arms.  Our previous loss is a hardship we lived through, not the only thing I could think about.  I only take six weeks of maternity leave, and I spent that time doing nothing but adoring that baby. 

The best part of March?  It was dream like.  I just held and milked and moby wrapped and worshiped that baby.  The other kiddos enjoyed having Mommy back to joyful.  We made rainbow Krispies, I hardly blogged, and we all started to find a new normal. 

Kids.  Kids everywhere.  Happy and too loud and being funny.  Science fair projects and Willie Wonka Violet and a zip line that makes us laugh.  But some things had to stop.  I realized that my back burner dream of being a photographer was not what I really wanted.  I didn’t want the time spent away from my kids.  I didn’t want the time spent on the computer.  I love being a nurse too much to focus on pictures.  I still want to take more classes.  I want to upgrade my camera.  I want to take pictures of people I love because I love them. 

I conned Josh into helping me make a paint dart wall.  It was a wicked hot mess and we loved it.  I felt like I was getting into the real groove of four kids home for the summer.    Our house got rezoned into a flood plane, but we looked for solutions.
 

June was wicked hot.  We made sun catchers and Emma got a photo shoot.  We played in the sprinkler and tried to stay cool. 

 In July and August we had county fair.  I can't wait for Lily to be an official 4-Her next year.  She did the Jack Pot show and "won" - at least in her mind.  We went on a non-Disney vacation in August. 

September found me trying to make up for lost gardening time.  The drought and my Quishy just didn't lead to a ton of gardening.  We got our first goat buck.  We put our house on the market after much thought. 

We went camping in October and the kiddos soaked up Halloween.  

 By the end of November we pulled the house off the market.  Thank God.  Lets settle in.  I am excited to make this little place work for us again.  I love the silly place.  

What a wonderful year.  Full of self discovery and joy.  This family has come together just perfectly.  We are all set.  No more babies planned here.  Time to really enjoy and make this place what it is meant to be.