I never make forever promises when it comes to babies. I reserve the right to change my mind. But at this time, I feel like our little family is complete. I used to hear my other friends say they were never having another baby, and I would want to feel that way too. I wished that I didn't need another one. I wished my heart didn't ache with that need. I know that my nature leads me to always take things too far. Too many goats, too big a garden - one step too far. I was worried that because of how much I love babies, my brain would never shut off that constant drive to have another.
Finally - some peace.
I have no little voice telling me how to talk Josh into another baby. It is silent. It's all set.
Quishy completes the set.
For the first time, I am ready for what happens after baby having is done. I am excited to go through the process with them. The birthday parties, the Easter egg hunts, the sporting events, the first dates, the prom. Fighting the girls off Max. All the parenting/kiddo milestones.
I shared your same worries...that my head would never communicate with my heart and be done. I also have a spiritual conviction that children are the greatest gifts from God, especially after loosing a son at birth that we *pushed* unnaturally to have. I too wanted that all knowing feeling that "we're complete". It took 5 kiddos for me(plus our little angel)....but now I finally have the peace that this story is done and on to the next. However, I still have no peace to have tubes tied, or the big V....I still have no peace to use artificial birth control....but I have been a master of avoidance....and menopause will be great!
ReplyDeleteYou are PERFECTLY set I'd say! They are all awesome n adorable kids!!! I feel so DONE, yet strangely enough also compelled to adopt one day?! What's up with that? It's like God's whispering to me. Maybe I'll mentor more once my own are grown... But I feel waaay too old n tired right now!
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