In January 2017 we had been moved in to our new town for a few months and were living in our rental house. I was driving alone with Lily in the car and and I asked her if she has her eye on any of the boys in her new school. She said a quick - no. I was getting a little annoyed with that kind of attitude, what in the world was she expecting from men? Absolute perfection physically? WHAT!? I had talked myself into that she was just too critical of boys. I started chewing her out about being less harsh and more open minded to seeing the good in peoples hearts. I said, "What exactly are you looking for in a boy?" She takes this deep breath and says, "I'm just not into boys." Now - I had read an article one time written by a gay woman that said when she told her grandmother she wasn't into boys her grandmother immediately asked her if she was seeing any girls, without missing a beat. So I took a two count and and said, "Well, are there any girls you like in your class?" And she went right off about some 8th grade girl she had the hots for.
Coming out to your parents is a life event and I didn't want to screw it up. I was terrified that I would say the wrong thing and alienate her for life. Pretty much how I feel during ever major parenting moment. I went home and processed, and even in retrospect I feel like I got it right. I was a little surprised, not exactly stunned, but I had to take a minute to process. No big fancy wedding with a handsome groom that reminded me of her father at that age. Then I thought, who gives a shit about her future husband? Not her. Only me. I took about two days to mourn the death of what I had in mind for the future of Lily's love life. Not that what I was hoping for really matters anyway, because it's all about her no matter what. She needs to be her regardless of what I have in mind for her. I'm sure as a parent this isn't the first or last time that I have to readjust my thoughts about what my children's future holds. I needed a minute to think about it. I needed to bring it up to her dad and work it out with him. I had to say it outloud a few times. I had to bring it up a few more times and figure out exactly how she felt about things. Once I understood her certainty, I was onboard.
A big deal is that I am a mama bear. You mess with my cubs and I will kill you. No joke and no warning. You make my precious daughter, that I have dreamed of having since I was old enough to realize that babies came from women, feel a bit lesser for being gay instead of straight and I will rearrange your life. Not only is it "OK" that she is gay, it is more than OK. It is exactly how she was designed to be. So you mess with her and I bring the heat.
So now what? This is a much improved world to be an openly gay teenager. No one in her schools seems to care. She has her little buddies and she is living her best life. There are going to barriers for her, but she has her whole family behind her and we will protect and support her. Onward and upward.
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