::moving emotionally::

"When we leave here we leave together."  Wise words spoken by a wise Josh.  As usually he has a way of putting things in perspective.  When we walk out of this place for the last time, we will go one together.  We take the funny farm with us were ever we go.  No matter what.  Even if we had to leave every material thing or animals behind, we would still be a family.  (Don't worry - goats, ponies, DONK, and chickens are going to live at Josh's brothers house.)  

But what still has this - I think I might throw up feeling - kicking in my stomach?  What do I not want to leave?  First of all is the door frame where every Schaefer kid got there height measured.  How can I walk away from that treasure?  Well - what about making one of those huge wooden rulers?  I could transfer the measurements to that.  Then when we leave our future rental to move into the next funny farm I can just move the ruler too.  Yes?  Plus you know I love to rewrite a good list.  I actually am getting that "excited about list making" feeling right this second.  It it a psychosis.  But I think of it more as a super hero power.   

I get a little sad at the idea of leaving our tiny little bedrooms.  This is silly.  But I am converted to the kids being so close to me when I sleep.  It makes me feel like they are safe.  I can't deal with a house that has the kids two miles away.  I need the meatballs near by.  

I will miss the view.  The green alfalfa field looks so soft to me.  Its not.  That sucker will scratch you to death in flip flops, but it looks so lush.  And it smells amazing.

If I am being honest, I will miss having what in my mind was the best hang out house.  The place to burn huge bonfires and gather.  A place I was happy to show off.  A place I was always willing to host a party or play date at.  That is a weakness in my soul.  A little flash back to the princess youth I had.  In truth it was the property I was always prideful of.  The house has never been the best thing about this place.  A too small little ranch that needed someone with deeper pockets than me to fix up.  But the out side is impossible to beat.  BUT - who know what is coming next?  I went tire kicking at a rental house that was interesting to me.  A HUGE old main street house in a town over from our ideal location.  It had tiny little nooks and crannies every place, an urban chicken coop, and a wonderfully creaking old stair case.  I fell in love with it.  Now if we could just move it over one town we would be moving in this weekend.  I would have been very proud to have people over to that place.  I would not have even wanted to phrase invites with, "It's just a rental house."    

But -
I hate my set up right now for the animals.  I have a great barn but the pastured and runs make no sense.  I will not miss that at all.  I have done a pretty good job of detaching myself from the cottage garden.  I liked that garden.  It was my brain child.  But it too, will be even better its new and improved version.  Size is perfect, but layout could make more sense.  

I love the idea of a restart.  A clean slate.  Doing the things we did pretty right here even better.  I like the challenge that gardening at a rental house is going to bring.  I like the idea of RENTING a big old house that isn't my problem with the roof needs replaced.  I'll want my next funny farm, but our rental sabbatical actually sounds like fun.   

We take the funny farm where ever we go.  Even if it ends up being in an old house in town.