Monday, January 17, 2011

::week 18 - the end::

Dear Nugget,

Well my little angel we need to tell these people...  I went in with Emma, Lily, and Max (and Josh) to hear your little heart beat today.  It was gone.  They took me alone for an ultrasound.  I saw your little body and head.  Laying so so still.  No movement.  No heart beat.  That fucking sucks.

I am sad that you don't get to be born alive and be held alive.

I will not be back online for at least a few more days. 

Love

Mommy

Miss you little friend.
at

14 comments:

  1. Jill January 17, 2011 at 2:02 PM

    oh Brooke.....

    my heart just sank....

    please call me if you need to cry, scream, vent...

    260-246-2342

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  2. Johnson FamilyJanuary 17, 2011 at 2:05 PM

    Brooke,

    I don't even know why I'm making a post because I really don't know what to say. I'm so broken apart for you. My heart aches and I hate every part of this. I feel an extreme amount of guilt and wished there is something I could do. You are an amazing person, someone who I look up to, I learn from, I love with all my heart, and someone I respect and need in my life. I promise to push my situation aside and be here for you. I love you so much and I am so sorry. Brooke, I'm so sorry.

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  3. StaceyJanuary 17, 2011 at 3:54 PM

    Oh Brooke. I'm so sorry. Take care. Take time. I'm so, so sorry.

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  4. MichelleJanuary 17, 2011 at 4:16 PM

    Oh Brooke, my heart is breaking for you and your family. I have been reading your posts now for a long time (stalking not commenting, sorry) and I know how much you love nugget and how much he/she had already become part of your life and family.
    You said it yourself so perfectly, this fucking sucks!!

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  5. J.R and JuliaJanuary 17, 2011 at 5:41 PM

    Brooke ~

    My heart is breaking for you and your family! I am so, so sorry for your loss! You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers!!

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  6. JamieJanuary 17, 2011 at 6:29 PM

    Brooke. This is absolutely breaking my heart. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better. I am so sorry to hear this. Love you and know that we are praying for you and your family's healing.

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  7. JamiJanuary 17, 2011 at 7:45 PM

    Brooke, my heart sank as I read your post. Sadly I've experience a similiar journey as we also lost our little girl prior to birth. There is not one thing I can say or do for you to make this any easier or less painful, though I wish I could...it hurts so badly. A friend of mine who lost her baby girl shortly after birth, shared some books with me to share with our boys...(long story...my little brother thought for most of his childhood that he was the reason my Grandmother died...he was 3 and no one thought to explain to him she had breast cancer...he only remembered sitting on her arm.) We didn't want our boys to ever feel that they were in any way responsible for their unborn sister's death. Here they are for your reference if ever you should be interested:
    "Tear Soup" by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen, "When Dinosaurs Die" by Laurie Krasny Brown & Marc Brown, "Mommy, Please Don't Cry" by Linda DeyMaz, "Balloons for Treavor" by Anne Good Cave, and "After the Darkest Housr the Sun will Shine Again" by Elizabeth Mehren.
    Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  8. JamiJanuary 17, 2011 at 7:51 PM

    One more place you may find some comfort:
    http://www.mend.org/support/render.asp?content=home

    Another friend brought me some wonderful materials from this organizations. I read one of their booklets over and over (and still do.)

    Again, I'm so sorry you are experiencing this.

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  9. buckleyJanuary 17, 2011 at 8:05 PM

    Dear Brooke,
    My heart just sank today, when I heard the news. I just couldn't believe it. Please say it isn't so. Not to anyone...NOT to you. I am so, so very sorry. I will be thinking of you and praying for you during this journey of your loss of precious little nugget. My love to you, Josh and your kids. Be brave, I know you will be. Love, Susan Buckley XO

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  10. AnonymousJanuary 17, 2011 at 8:18 PM

    Brooke..

    I am so very sorry to you and your family for your loss, there really are no words ....except for I am thinking & praying for you. God love you!

    Deepest Sympanthy
    Mitzi

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  11. UnknownJanuary 17, 2011 at 8:53 PM

    OH no!!! that totally sucks!! :( my heart breaks for you!!!

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  12. UnknownJanuary 17, 2011 at 9:06 PM

    Brookie! I just want to say....I love you! My heart is breaking for you and your lovely family! I will say some prayers to give you and yours strength to make it through this tough time!
    Love you always...sending a big hug to you!
    Ann xoxoxo

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  13. Connie NobbeJanuary 17, 2011 at 9:08 PM

    Brooke...I want to hug you. Praying for you and your family. Tell us what you need or how to best support you. Because we all love you and want to do what we can. WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousJanuary 18, 2011 at 12:38 PM

    There are no words to ease your pain and I am so sorry this has happened. I know the pain of losing a little before birth as well and it is a miserable feeling. Hang in there and I will be praying for you.
    Sarah

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