::working::

Through some various HIPPA protected events at work recently I just want to write a little note to each kid, just in case I never get the chance to tell them these things.  

Emma - When I met your Dad you were two.  He and I had a very rocky start, but I was in love with you from the first moment I saw you.  Your Dad got in a football stance and said, "Blue 42! Hut. Hut. Tackle!"  You jumped into my arms because you knew that game meant wrestle time.  I was so overwhelmed that I started crying.  Your Dad was totally confused at my tears.  It was you.  Your cuteness, your trust, you sweet little round face.  I never saw a girl and her Dad be so in love with each other.  It blew me away.  I am so glad to have you in my life.  Love - Brock

Lily - Oh little lobster, don't ever fit into the box the word presents to you.  Even I try to make you follow the path that I think is right for you.  You always correct that mistake.  Keep being you, kid, because I adore you.  I admire the fact that you can not be defined.  You are one hell of a kid to parent because you excel at loop hole finding.  This is going to be a major strength for you as an adult.  You are a force of nature.  People are often going to misunderstand you.  Don't let that sway you.  {"The light that shines on you, will shine on you forever." paul simon}  Let's see what you do next.  I can't wait.  I'm right here if you need me, but I'll try to wait till you ask.  Love - Mommy

Max - Little Mr. Wellington.  You and that hair.  No matter how big and manly you become you will always be my skinny little boy with the big ball of hair and the crooked smile.  You have an amazing natural instinct for improving the mood of people around you.  You are a tension breaker.  During Mommy's "dark year" you kept me on track.  You kept me getting out of bed.  You kept me connected to something.  You get away with more than any other kid because your cuteness is overwhelming.  I have almost never made it through a lecture with you without laughing.  Your bond with your father brings tears to my eyes.  Two boys - best buddies.  Keep it up.  He needs you too.  Love - Mommy

Quinn - My Quishy.  You took my last grey fuzzy edges out of my brain.  To hold you for the first time was a spiritual experience.  If you take my whole life and put it into still images and frozen moments, that image with your new little face would be under the title - clarity.  A rainbow baby brings brightness to the world.  The mother that will raise you is so different from the mother that baby Lily had to break in.  I hope that is a good thing.  Your Dad sent me a text the other night, it said, "How come when I look at Quinn it makes me like you?"  Because you were worth it.  For all of us.  Love - Mommy

And lastly -
Baby we lost - Thank you.  Thank you SO much.  Thank you for changing me in a positive way.  Thank you for making me more sensitive to other peoples personal struggles.  Thank you for making our choices about you for us.  My soul had to break to grow back stronger.  Thank you for letting the next egg in line be used :)  He is so Quishy.  Thank you for helping me get my priorities straighter.  So many things in my life right now that I think of as very positive or fulfilling, stemmed from the loss of you.