shortiesfunnyfarm

::what to bring to the hospital - having a baby::

2012-01-30T04:00:00.001-06:00

I love a  good list.  When Lily was born I got online and backed up two suitcase worth of things to take with us to the hospital.  We had all kinds of birthing aids and a CD player and all sorts of other unneeded things.  Now that we are on baby 4 I think I have a much better idea of what I actually need.

Here is my packing list:

Head band 

     I can't stand my hair in my face

His and her's tooth brushes

Tooth paste

Chapstick

Brush

Hair bands

Shampoo and conditioner

Body soap

Body lotion

Makeup bag 

     You will get lots of pictures taken, when my Dr says its time to push I take a few minutes to add my makeup.  I am not a huge makeup person but with all the picture taking I have not regretted adding some mascara before hand.  Vain - maybe, but its the only time I am in the picture not taking it.  

White nail polish to touch up my french pedicure 

     I will looking at my toes and my OCD side will freak out if my   polish gets chipped

One pair of jammies

     You will be bleeding and leaking all kinds of gross stuff.  Nasty but true.  Don't hesitate to just wear the hospital gowns and get them gross.  You don't have to wash them.

Slipper and fun robe

Camera and charger

Ipad and charger

Extra Iphone charger 

Going home in clothes

     If you are very lucky or 17 then bring your prebaby clothes.  If your not so lucky don't be sad to go home in your maternity clothes.  It's not a big deal.  Don't worry - your going to get your hot body back if you want to.

Baby clothes and hats (two or so for each day you plan to stay)

Two to three cute baby blankets (mostly for pictures)

Two swaddle bags

Ear plugs to rest in the too loud hospital

Pillows with fresh cases

Snacks (lots!  Candy to keep Josh happy)

Nursing bra's (I just like front snap bra's, nursing bra's to be are uncomfortable)

Josh clothes 

A gift for Max and one for Lily - something for each to play with while they wait

Now that the rest of my crew will be waiting in the lobby with family they need major entertainment too.  There bag has:

Candy for each

Ipod with charger

Leap Frog Tag reader with books and extra betteries

Leap Frog Leap Pad with extra batteries

DVD player with charger and movies

Polly pockets for mass distraction

Now what else??

::38 weeks::

2012-01-29T07:56:00.000-06:00

Nervous.  Nervous.  Nervous. Nervous.

Nervous.  

That's how I feel right now.  Overwhelmingly so.  My friend/mentor told me that after her loss, she held her breath until she heard her next son cry.  I have had every test under the sun.  My OB gave me ever thing I asked for.  I have had the best high risk OB GYN in the city consult on my pregnancy at least three times.  I have not had one tiny little blurb of abnormality.  I have had four different ultrasound people look at this baby, several different times each.  At some point you have to believe.  You have to believe what they say to you.  You have to just close your eyes and believe in your luck.

But I can see it around the corner of Josh's eyes and at the edges of his voice.  He is terrified too.  All he has managed to say out loud is, "I can't loose you.  Physically or emotionally.  I can't loose you."  Then change subject.  He is a wise soul as always.  Poor guy.  Last time he saw me give birth he was fairly sure he was watching me die, or at least watching me end up with an emergent hysterectomy (which would have killed me in a way and he knew it).      

Lily is on edge.  She keeps wanting to sit by me.  She wants to take a shower with me.  She wants to be near me at all times.  Touching me at all times.  Because she can smell the weirdness.  That kid has stellar instincts for peoples emotions.  She has been making me repeat what is happening on induction day.  Over and over.  Babies set their own schedules, so I keep reminding her that we have no real way of knowing how the day will go.  Something that finally helped her calm herself was when I told her that she gets to be the first person that is not going to be in the room when he his born to hold him.  That was a place of honor in her mind, so she has relaxed a bit.  

This is the last time I get pregnant.  I can't do this to them anymore.  The risks and the fears and the uncertainty is more than my little Lily and my Josh can handle.  This is it.  And I have known that in my heart.  Thank God I have peace with that, because it would be very difficult if I couldn't be done.

So - how about I try and just enjoy my last five days of being pregnant ever?  Rest and relax.  Don't make too many lists, unless they are on the DVR.  Play games with the short people and spend some quality couch time.  I have two more 8 hours shifts to fake it through.  No problem.  I just want to get started on maternity leave.  I want to get all agoraphobic with this baby.  I plan to leave my house as little as possible.  I want to spend as much time as possible nesting on the comfy couch with this little man.  The kids are going to be at school all day so we should get some good snuggle time.  I don't think any baby will have more pictures taken of it than this kid.    

Game time - predict what time you think he will be born and what his weight will be.   

     Me = 1:30pm  7 pounds 14 ounces 

Josh = 3pm 8 lbs

::carhartt kid carrier::

2012-01-28T04:00:00.001-06:00

Josh put his bibs on to go out and feed the animals, but Max kept saying he wanted to come too.  Josh just slipped him into his bibs and they were ready to go.  Max backed out when he felt the cold, but I love seeing the way these two constantly play with each other.   

::rainbow mailbox birdhouse::

2012-01-26T04:50:00.002-06:00

We had tons of fun painting this mail box.  I actually let go a little and let the kids help me paint it.  It gave me an anxiety attack but it was worth it for the joy it brought them.  Maybe I had to do some touch up painting but the cuteness factor was high.  

It ended up being a good math and logic lesson with Lily.  "If our tape is one inch wide and our stripes are each four inches wide how can we place the tape to make all the stripes the same size?"  I let her play around with the tape and think about it some.  She got kind of frustrated till I told her it was going to take at least two different tape set ups.  Then she had it figured out.  

We tried a new painting trick I had read about where you put clear paintable caulking on your tape lines, let it try, and paint right over it.   This is supposed to stop the paint from bleeding through.  It worked perfectly!!!  Loved it.  

Red - Cherry Red premixed from Kryon

Orange - this is an old sample that no longer had a sticker on it.  

Yellow - Valspar Dijon

Green - Valspar Bright Parrot

Blue - Valspar Rushing Stream

Purple - Valspar Purple Royalty

Total cost:

I had the mailbox sitting in Josh's barn for the pat few years (long story), and I already had the red and orange paint.   

Had to buy the yellow, green, blue, and purple $3 each X 4 = $12

I bought new painters tape because I have been wanting to try Frog Tape - WORTH IT!!!  This stuff works amazing.  $5

Clear Painters Caulk $3

TOTAL: about $20  

Now I love the finished project!  But Josh was concerned that rainbow mailbox may be more than rural Indiana can take.  He is concerned that it may be vandalized.  Lots.  I fought him on it, but finally I realized that he might be right.  My little rainbow mailbox might just scream a little too loudly for a baseball bat to kill it.  I think that I will use it in my garden as a place to keep tools.  Come spring I will spray it with a few coats of clear sealant and trial it out in the garden.  Right this second it is open on the floor with dog blankets in it.  Lizzie refuses to even consider sleeping in it.  Smart dog - cause I think the kids might not be able to stop them selves from closing her in.    

Link here for the pintrest inspiration image.

::new lens - will you marry me::

2012-01-24T04:00:00.002-06:00

 I have been on the new camera hunt.  My camera savings plan has been growing in a slow but steady format.  I almost don't want to talk about it because I don't want my camera to catch me cheating on it.  I really love my camera, its just falling apart.  But as a temporary fix I bought my camera a new friend.  

I got a Nikon 50mm 1.8 lens.  Here is the link to amazon if you want more detail.  It does work with auto focus - I can't live without auto focus.  This type of lens is a fixed lens, which means that it doesn't allow you to have any zoom.  You are the zoom.  This is the perfect lens for shooting pictures of a new little baby boy that needs to come out RIGHT STINKING NOW, but is coming no later than February 3rd.  This kind of lens gives you a very shallow depth of field.  Now what the coo-coo does that mean?  Let me show you.

 Here is a picture I just took for one of Josh's tools he is selling on Ebay.  

(He is in a mood to start some new hobbies so he sells his old stuff to fund his new stuff.  It usually happens about ever 18 months or so.  But we are talking len's not Ebay.)

My new lens makes things very crisp.  Notice that the black section of the tool is very sharp, but everything else starts to get fuzzy.  I love this kind of focus because it makes you subconsciously focus on the only area in focus.  Which with a baby or kid is usually the eyes.  Sometimes a sweet little hand or foot, but usually the eyes.  

 Here is another example.  Lily and I are working on a rainbow mailbox that we will post on soon.  I was trying to get some fun pictures of it with my new lens.  The camera focused on the line between the red and the orange, and everything else fades to various degrees of focus.  I love this kind of look.  

I can't wait to start taking baby pictures with this lens. I have been on a photography break but I am getting really close to starting back up again.

::one year ago::

2012-01-22T17:03:00.000-06:00

So much can happen in one year.

This time last year I was home on sick leave trying to dig my head out of a black hole of despair over the death of my baby.  

I have a few really vivid memories that are not fading away yet.

1. The actual physical feeling of him falling out and the instinctive reaction to catch him.  Gross.  I wish it wasn't in my head, but it still lives there.  And even with this current baby being almost born and with the fact that he is over 7 pounds already, I still have this back of my mind totally irrational on the tip of my toes ready to catch him feeling if he too happens to just fall out.

2.  The morning after we got home from the hospital I woke up and for just one second thought it was all one of those sometimes horribly vivid dreams that I have.  I immediately knew it was not.

3.  The whole time we were in the hospital Josh and I kept saying to each other, "This sure is a lot more fun when you get to take a baby home with you."  It was oddly funny to us at the time.  But we also spent that time watching the first season of Dexter on DVD.  Sometimes we are moderately screwed up.

I finally managed to work up the balls to go and pick up Zack's ashes.  One of my dear friends had picked them up from the funeral home for me a year ago.  She kept them for me and never mentioned it.  She handled herself with the grace and class that she radiated from ever pore.  Ironically her name is Joy.  Something she brings lots of to the world.  All that was left of that baby that I loved so easily was a small bag of ashes.  A cheap velvet jewelry bag with a strong plastic ziplock bag inside.  Maybe a fourth of a cup of ashes.  My kids sat in the back watching a movie while Joy passed him over.  They never knew what was going on.  Now he is sitting on the top shelf of my closet.  

Lily - put your father and I's ashes together.  Then add Zack.  Sprinkle us any where you think we would want you to.  Sneak us into Disney, all four parks - you're creative, figure it out.  Just don't let Zack be sprinkled somewhere alone.     

::winter garden projects::

2012-01-22T04:00:00.000-06:00

I am nesting.  Like a crazy person.  So I give myself permission to not actually do these this winter if I end up with a baby that hates crafts.  

I lost my breath when I saw this mailbox.  We have an extra mailbox sitting in the barn waiting to be installed.  I can't wait to make this puppy.  I have been gathering my random paints and I can't wait to buy the rest in sample sizes.  Oh rainbow - I love you so.    

 I have a bowling ball that I found in my attic.  He has lots of character and I just toss him into open space in my garden.  Josh tried to pick him as a small watermelon several times.  But this year he wants a makeover.  A cheap makeover.  

I have a bag from my father inlaw of Mike's Hard Lemonade lids.  I wanted to cover a post in my garden with them.  But now I am kind of falling in love with something along this project line.  

The chickens are getting some kind of movable coop this year.  They can't be let to really free range when the garden is in full swing.  They eat my watermelons and I don't want to share.  I want to build them a coop that I can move every three weeks to provide them fresh grazing space but keep them out of were they are not invited.  I had this super elaborate plan in my head, but this baby would prefer a quick easy A frame coop.  Here is one example.  

This whimsical garden sign is a must.  It is one of the first things I ever found on pintrest and I have been jonsing to make it.  Plus I feel it is a baby friendly project.  You can start and stop it often.  If it takes forever that is fine.  I may have to make all the signs different color letters because my rainbow side just can't help it.  At Christmas I had the kids help me come up with places that meant something to us-

Abbey Road - since Josh and I danced at our wedding to "When I'm 64"

Diagon Alley, Hogwarts, or Hogsmead

Narnia

Tri-State Area - from Finn/Ferb

Tortuga Island - the pirate island in pirates of Caribbean

Emerald City and The Shire

Who Ville or Mount Crumpet - from the Grinch

Castle Rock - I am a big Stephen King person

Island of Misfit Toys - Rudolph

Radiator Springs - from Cars

Pixie Hallow - Tinkerbell

Pride Rock - Lion King

Agrabah - Alladin

Monstropolis - Monster Inc.  

I love the thrifty idea of these cans into flowers - but I worry about the kid friendly part of this.  Are they sharp?  But the colors I could do - purrrrr.  

Go to pintrest to see links to these images.

::Lily::

2012-01-20T04:00:00.002-06:00

My little Lily tried out for a part in Willie Wonka that was WAY beyond her reach.  The director promised her a part as a main Oompa Loompa, with a small solo, but my Lily was determined to try out for a bigger part.  This meant a full audition with a one minute song and a one minute monologue done in front a casting group.  Mom's not even allowed in the room.  I was impressed with her bravery.  Very impressed, but I warned her that she wasn't even really old enough to do the audition.  I got a special exception from the director to even let her try out.  Age cut off was nine and she is only 8.  We practiced ever night for three weeks.  She got it so fast but I still made her go over it many times.  Many times.  I wanted her perfectly prepared, so it wouldn't shake her confidence for the future.  I sent in that sweet little baby to do her audition.  She came out telling me she nailed it.  But I was still concerned that she was just too young.  I know I am her mother, but that kid really does have some talent as a musician/singer and as an actor.  She practised her parts like a pro, but so much of all this is politics and all that kind of silliness.  When the emailed casting list came in two days later I was thinking of ways to tell her the results.  

Well - SHE GOT THE PART SHE WANTED!!!!  Violet Beurgaurd.  She freaked out.  I actually had to protect my baby belly from her she was so crazy happy she just about tackled me.  I was so proud of her for trying, but I am so happy for her that she got what she wanted.  Being her mom is the coolest.  

::where the wild things are birthday party- Max is 4::

2012-01-14T20:19:00.003-06:00

The big 4 year old party was fun for one and all. 

Grammy made Max the greatest costume I have ever seen.  

I threw it  on him and thought for sure he would take it right off. 

He wore it the whole time.
(He actually made me put it back on him later that night.) 

I got the chance  to book the gym at a church that is near my house.  It’s wonderful to  have such a great resource available.  It’s free and it has all the  tables and chairs and space and parking and bathrooms and everything I  could ever want, but don't have at my cute little house.   

I made him a boat out of cardboard and spray paint.

The sail is a yellow sheet and a quickly made wood frame that Josh put together.  

I cheated and had the cake made.

And it was even more wonderful than I dreamed of.

I am happy to share the contact info for the cake lady - she is reasonable and wonderful.  

 My assistant photographer was extremely helpful as always.

 Max was on the look out for his friends...

 so he could hide from them...

 and then jump out and roar at them.  

 The welcome craft was making crowns to be king of the wild things.  

They sat like perfect little statues and listened to me read them the book. I wanted to make sure every one knew the story.

I then let them loose. They could choose to just play, run, and nash their terrible claws. Or they could make crafts. For crafts I had everything precut and easy to assemble.

The could make paper bag puppets.

Paint with water colors.  

Or make a boat.  

I had tons of boxes left over from my boat project so we made them into over sized blocks.   

 The girls built a throne for the birthday boy.  

They had a blast building towers, knocking them down, and playing bumper boxes.  

The boxes ended up being a perfectly free wildly good time.  

Max had to take a little buffalo dip break.   

Overall I think the party went well.  Total cost including the cake was under $200.  That's more than I should have spent but this was his first big party and I wanted to do something nice.  My sister in law, Jamie, was such a huge help to me.  She showed up early and stayed late.  I felt very lucky to have her help.  The kids all seemed to have so much fun.  Now I can just chill till this baby shows up.  (THREE WEEKS!!! or less?) 

And I still have tons of cake leftover for breakfast.  

PS - I totally stole some of these ideas.  Go to my pintrest board for inspiration images and links.  

::36 weeks::

2012-01-13T10:11:00.000-06:00

Today I went in to the OB for a check up and an ultrasound.  This ultrasound was to check on how big this little man is right now.  Since Max was a beast my OB wants an idea of how big this monster is so that if he is being stubborn about showing up we can use his weight as a factor in deciding what to do next.  

Quinn came in at 6lb 4 oz.  Which is the 68th percentile.  Nice.  Not huge, but good.  He got an 8 out of 8 on his bio-physical profile.  Very good.  He is head down, still a boy, and got a clean bill of health.  February 3rd is still the go to date.  I go back next week to double check his amniotic fluid, which was a bit on the low side of normal.  Not super low, just a tick.  I am dilated to 2cm and 50% effaced.  That's further than I ever got with the other kids outside of a hospital.   

::crap! When is this baby due?::

2012-01-12T04:00:00.030-06:00

February 3rd.  No joke.  That is feeling very soon.  

I really had nothing done as of a week ago, because -

First - the biggest problem at all times is the dream killer - budget.  Quinn's decor budget is zero.  

Second - he is a fourth baby.  I got rid of everything after Max and the Great Mistake (the vasectomy that since got reversed).  But still - I just don't feel the need to pimp out a room for him.  I am going  to go hog wild on the shared room for Quinn and Max, which will happen as soon as Quinn is a decent sleeper.  (He currently has an elbow visibly sticking out of my belly.)  

Third - it feels unlucky.  Like if I get too ready for him, he will not come.  Jews have a cultural thing that they sometimes do that is to not buy anything for the baby till it is born.  I can kind of relate to that.  I'm not sure why they do it, but to me I just feel like it is tempting fate to get him too settled in before he is even born.  

But, ready or not he is coming and I don't want to spend the first three days home frantically throwing his stuff together.  Here is what I decided was the bare minimum to have done.   

1. I have his FREE car seat from my lovey Amy ready with the fuzzy winter cover on it.

2.  I have a few things set aside for him to take to the hospital - just a few outfits and socks.  I am notorious with poor Josh (the carrier of my luggage) as an over packer.  Not this time.

3. I washed all of Quinn's clothes and folded/hung them up. I got everything from the wonderful Mrs Maurer and I found one box of boys baby clothes in the attic that didn't get purged. He is set.

4.  Organize the lockers as a dresser - basket for socks, shoes, bibs, pants, hats, blankets.  This locker is so stinking cool and I have really barely used it so far.  I will add shelves and use the space better in the future.   

5. Changing station in the family room

  Raise the crib mattress and move Max into extra bed in Lily's room.  He is not in to this idea.

  My breast pump is organized and ready to rock in case of engorgement - something I wish I had known with Lily.  I don't plan on using the bottles for awhile but they are ready to go.  

8.  The pack and play (MAURERS!), bouncy seat (MORE MAURERS), and swing (love me my Hannah) are ready to go.  And all free!  I need to set up a baby toy basket in the family room.  (With more free Maurer donations). 

A blanket I actual bought this kid.

By going through and getting serious about setting things up I realized I had a bunch more stuff than I thought I did.  The breast pump, a boppy, a play mat, a mobile, etc.  It really is going to be just fine, and I have spent almost nothing putting it all back together.    

PS- the other day someone asked me if I meant to get pregnant with Quinn.  I told her, "He is a post vasectomy reversal, post age 30, fourth round, post infant loss baby.  Yes - I very much meant to get pregnant with him."

PSS- I love watching an entire series from start to finish while on leave - Oz, Sex and the City, The Sopranos - what should I watch this time?

::mickey garden art::

2012-01-10T05:31:00.004-06:00

Look what Josh made me for my garden.

What a cute sweet randomly perfect present.

He made it from scrap metal, cost = free

::our goaties::

2012-01-08T04:00:00.001-06:00

I love goaties. Just love them. People see them and always ask, "What do you do with the goats?" My answer is, "The same thing we do with the Donkey - nothing." They are just pets and toys and lovies and entertainment. And I couldn't love them more. We have so much fun with them.
We currently have six goats, all males are neutered (which in goats is called wethered).

Bob the Goat Dead Last
Nigerian Dwarf
Born: March 2007
Oh my Bobbie - I just love your silly goat face. He was dehorned fairly poorly as a baby and his horns grown partially back in all kinds of terrible shapes. He is the friendliest old man around. He gets last place at fair often, which is how he got his name, but the girls still always want to take him. He is our "Miss Congeniality".

Ernie
Nigerian Dwarf
Born: (bob's twin) March 2007
Ernie has grown on me. He doesn't have Bob's stellar personality, but he has become my buddy. I think he figured out that if you are only going to be a lovie to one person make it the person who decides if you stay or get sold. He and Bob love each other so much that I can't ever think about separating them.

Willow (also known as Grandma)
Pygmy doe - retired from breeding
Willow is the grandma of our two twin pygmy youngsters. She and I have similar problems. We both LOVE babies and we both love to eat. Willow had so many nice babies for her last owner that she got retired from breeding. She doesn't seem to know that. She wants in with our baby goats all the time. Willow is very motherly. She is also VERY fat. A pygmy goat looks really cute fat, but its as healthy for them as it is for us. She got put on a grain free diet with Bob and Ernie. I do give her a few cookies every now and then just to make her love me.

Bo
All the babies will be one this spring
Bo is a great young guy. He begs for treats and is a favorite with the kids. We will have lots of fun with this little guy.

Betty
A little shy but so pretty. She is Bo's twin. I can't wait to have some babies from her next year.

Nelly
My baby girl. Yes I gave her CPR when she was born. Link here for her whole story. She is the friendliest little baby since Bob. I adore her. She will be with me forever.

::Quinn's take home shirt::

2012-01-06T04:00:00.001-06:00

Josh isn't in to baby prep. He would never pick out bedding with me. He would actually roll his eyes if I even brought up buying bedding. "For a baby? Why? We have sheets and stuff already." He is right and it keeps my spending under control. Plus the boys are going in one room together as soon as possible. BUT - I showed him this shirt and he insisted that I buy it for Quinn to come home in. I think it is the only baby item he has ever wanted me to buy.

We bought it off etsy. Link here to get one of your own.

I tried to get a baby bow tie as well, but got a MAJOR veto from Josh of the fashion police.

::2011 review::

2012-01-04T04:00:00.144-06:00

January
Well, the year did not get off to a good start. At 18 weeks pregnant we went in as a family to hear the babies heart beat and we found out he no longer had one. I don't want to dwell on it, link if you want deets. After he was born I took a month off work to recover. I was looking forward to getting lots done while I was on leave - but my mental and physical state did not allow it. I really didn't even have the energy to throw Max a birthday party but my amazing inlaws picked up the slack and threw him a great family party. I'll make it up to you this year buddy. I did manage to make his cake. We got a new pregnant Momma goat and Lily had a blast making birdseed valentines for her friends.

Feburaury
I began a quest to distract myself as much as possible. I started planning a major garden and I got to help my friend Hannah plan a wonderful Harry Potter party - I can't wait to have one for Max and/or Quinn. (Next year???) I did lots of craigslisting and took Max on an adventure to buy some rad old lockers that are going to be perfect in he and Quinn's room.

March
In March things started to get progressively better for me and my mental recovery. Our baby goat was born and I had to give in goat CPR to save its little life - she is still doing great. I am so very glad she lived. Emma had an adorable birthday party, the first one at our house. Every teenager needs a solid fashion party.

April
In April we got a new puppy, the prettiest little red husky that we named Luna. That was such a nice little dog. I really went ape-shit-crazy over my distraction garden and planned out a major affair. I couldn't wait to get started. Even in the cold I was out there prepping and waiting to plant early crops like spinach.

May
Josh started my Sukkah. It's just so pretty. I can't wait to finish it this year. I put together Miss Lily's tea party. She had a wonderful time. I finally gave up on trying to stay at my old job full time. I get a little teary eyed just thinking about it. I really miss it.

June
I found out that I was pregnant again at the beginning of the month. I kept it quiet longer than I usually do. I was still so very afraid. I also got past my old due date in mid June. It was a good thing to get past. It was so nice to have my Lily home with me again. I hate her being in school, I miss her too much. Max ended up in the ER with an eye infection obtained while falling off Hannah's porch.

July
July was ruled by swimming and getting ready for fair. I gardened like crazy and felt tired every day from the new pregnancy.

August
We had some wonderful fun at the lake. I just love summer. I had to wear a bikini because my belly will not fit in a one piece. Lily went back to school and Max got to start his first day of preschool. I was so sad to send them back to school. There joy over the summer was addictive to be around. Lily and I got to make a great craft project with melted crayons. Loved it.

Speptember
I had a wonderful time finding out that our little baby was a boy, I felt such relief. We used a gender cake to share the moment with our friends and kiddos. I am so glad we did this. I found a china cabinet and redid it for Lily's dolls. Lily turned 8 and had a drive in movie party. It turned out well and got done on a budget. We had out self-invitathon and my face hurt from laughing.

October
I turned 34 and I still hate birthdays, but only my own. We had our best trip ever to Disney. It was also our longest. Too long financially but wonderful. The kids had a blast for Halloween and I started cross training to the ER. Lily and I made a journey to Chicago and had lots of fun together. I only wrote four blog posts that whole month. The least I have ever written in a month since I started my blog. I had some writers block and baby tiredness.

November
Max spent some quality time in time out at Lowes. I kept going with my ER training and really fell in love with it. I sadly gave up on making my Lily wear what I want and let her take over. One way or another. Gulp. Max started flag football and Lily began a basketball program. And the belly grew and grew.

December
An old trumpet found its was home. We had our best Christmas ever. I felt prepared and peaceful and excited about the whole thing. The weather here has been bizarrely warm and the kids have actually been enjoying themselves outside still.

::a year of projects::

2012-01-02T04:00:00.002-06:00

Caution - long post about all the projects we did this year -

Harry Potter Cupcakes

Hogwarts Sign

Marshmallow Play Time

Broom Treat Bags

Golden Snitch Cake

Harry Potter Brick Wall Curtain

Cupcake Liner Flowers

Tea Party Treat Table

Fruit spikes

Tea Party

Hula Hoop Plant Spacing

Garden Signs

Lily's Garden Sign

This is the biggest project of the year

Florida Weave

Hollow Tree Planter

Bean Frame

First Year of Mini 4H

::a year of headers::

2012-01-01T04:00:00.003-06:00

::pop top bracelet::

2011-12-31T04:00:00.001-06:00

We had a good time making these pop top bracelets.

The directions came straight from here.

::personal goals::

2011-12-30T04:00:00.001-06:00

I have some personal improvements that I need to fix.  As usual I let them depress me for awhile and then I decided to do something about it  

1.  Manage my money better.   

I am cheap, but I still have a few bad habits left over from-the-spoiled-brat-living-off-my-parents days that need to be fixed.  Here is an example - I lost track of a bill and didn't pay it.  Then when it got too far behind I had to go get a money order to pay it.  Which I then lost.  Or maybe I mailed it.  I can't remember.  I had to waste time begging the company to give me another week to see if the money order turns up with them or if I really did throw it away.  The whole situation is so frustrating and embarrassing and ridiculous and unnecessary and time consuming.  

Other things to help with this:

    Be proactive about removing cash from the bank account on payday so it doesn't slowly disappear to small debit card purchases (damn you Qdoba)

     If the cash runs out then the money is gone.  Don't forget about gas and expect Josh to find some mystery money to bale me out.  

    Improve my commitment to making dinner when ever I am not working.  Include lunches in ideas for my my weekly meal plans.  

2.  Keep my car clean.

I have always had a super messy car.  But since I had kids I blame it on them.  Thats not my usually my gig.  I like to think I take responsibility for my mistakes, but I am so comfy just blaming the kids for my car and not doing anything about it.  I need to take personal responsibility for my car.  I once lost an envelope in my car that has a huge wad of cash in it.  I cried and I freaked, but I couldn't find it.  Josh had to do the excavation of the car and he finally found it.  The whole situation is so frustrating and embarrassing and ridiculous and unnecessary and time consuming - again.

3.  Get back to my daily house hold maintenance

I used to have something I would write in my notebook - it was W-F-D-L.  I got it from Jersey Shore GTL (gym, tan, laundry).  Mine stands for Workout, Feed (animals), Dishes, Laundry.  After the baby died last year and I spent so much time in a dark hole of faking it to just get through the day I let myself get into some survival laziness.  It doesn't matter if it was OK or not, because at this moment it is not ok anymore.  Here is the goal - every day I am off work or work 8 hours or less, the bare minimum that I have to do is Feed-Dishes-Laundry.  Once I get past my six week post baby check I have to get back to workouts too.  I also used to have a pattern of cleaning that I would do.  Every day off I would clean one major room and one minor.  Its time to get back to that rotation.  It worked well and stopped me from being overwhelmed.   

4.  At least once a week sit down and double check the next 2-3 weeks of the schedule.  

If I do that I will not get any surprises and have to scramble the night before.  I usually do this, but I need to stay super disciplined about this.  

5.  Get back to art and creativity with the kids.  

Every day doesn't have to be art camp but why can't every day off together be a day were we create at least one thing? That is something I am never going to regret - encouraging those perfect shorties to be creative.

::Where the Wild Things Are Party - the plan::

2011-12-29T04:00:00.001-06:00

Mr Max is turning 4. I kind of let it sneak up on me. I kept going back and forth about having a party. Who would come all the way out to me in the middle of January? Does he even care? Am I just too flipping prego? Excuses, excuses. I don't care. It's about that kid having a wonderfully good time - not about me submitting a very expensive party to all the party blogs. So I am having a party for that little man - BUT I PROMISE YOU JOSH I WILL NOT GET FULL ON OUT OF CONTROL. or will I?

For links to images go to my pintrest board

Location is going to be at the church gym very close to my house. (FREE!)

Decor:

·         Max boat photo shoot – white background sheet duct taped to wall
             Spray paint box and use wide marker to finish
                Mast with yellow sheets for sails
·         2 colors of green and 2 colors of streamer to make vines in doorways and around the gym
·         Sign “Let the Wild Rumpus Begin” on door with balloons
·         Quotes from the book around the tables

Food:
·         Table in corner for food with green sheets as table cloths and streamers behind it as background
·         Subtle plates and utensils, bring out cake plates to cut cake
·         Cake in middle built up on log riser
·         All treats and other food sprinkled around food table
·         Eating and relaxing tables X4? With sheet table cloths of different greens and browns
·         Drinks and chicken dip over by kitchen area with plates and utensils
         2L with ice and cups for soda

Activities:
·         Starter – crowns and water color page
                       Set up a “take home” station with names by the door
·         Masks and monster stampers
·         Max in a boat collage
·         Pin the tail on Max
·         Box fort area with vines
·         Kickballs and basketballs out for play

::kids tips from the ER::

2011-12-28T04:00:00.001-06:00


My son Max in January 2010, age two.

I am still loving working the ER. Its wonderful. As the only nurse that likes peds in a mostly adult oriented unit, I take care of lots of the kids that come in. The hospital I work at is not a pediatric hospital, but people bring their kids in all the time. One of the biggest issues I run into is parents who do not understand illness in their children. Here are a few little tips about some of the most common educational needs I see -

Fever - kids get fevers. If your child is under age one any fever is something that your pediatrician (NOT A DR IN AN ER) needs to know about. Your pediatrician knows your child and knows you. They will advise you as to if you should go to an ER, urgent care, or treat your child at home. If your child is over one, then you need to treat your childs fever and understand that fevers are part of life. Treatment can include Tylenol and/or Motrin to get the fever under control. Alternate between them to get the best coverage. Call your pediatrician for exact dosing and timing. Don't bring me your kid that you have not given an medicine to in 6 hours, because the first thing I am going to do is give them some and send you home. But the process will take three hours plus and your insurance is going to be mad. Don't forget less aggressive fever treatments in addition to medicine, such as luke warm (not cold) wet wash cloths on the chest, forehead, and arms. Change those cloths out frequently to keep them cool.

On any given day I could have a kid come in via ambulance with fever related seizures and a temp of 104. Give us 20 minutes, a dose of Tylenol, and a basin of room temperature water with wash clothes and that same kid will have a temp of 100. 20 minutes later and that kid is up, playing, and asking for ice cream. Seizures are dangerous to your child - don't passively sit by and let the poor kid burn up. Keep that fever under control. Be proactive about your childs health.

Do not think that you should let the fever build before you come see me so I will take you seriously about your kid being sick. I will simply think that you are too ridiculous to treat your childs fever. TREAT THE FEVER AT HOME - if your pediatrician agrees. I have no greater medicine than you do to treat a common fever - Tylenol and Motrin. You wouldn't let your self suffer with the aches and discomfort of a high fever, don't let your kid.

Now scardy cat first time parents - if you freak the crunk out and are in a state of panic - come to me. But don't be shocked that I am not going to be able to fix your kid any better than you can. I will gently educate you on how to take care of this yourselves next time, but if you come back in two days I will not be so gentle.

Sore Throat - Call your pediatrician! Please. Because you don't belong with me. I can't fix this. I understand that work and school can get in the way of your child's doctors office hours. That is exactly why you need to know what local urgent care takes your insurance before you need them. If your child has a sore throat and your can't get ahold of your pediatrician, than take them to urgent care. They will test for strep with the exact same test I have and they will write the exact same antibiotic script that we will give you. But the cost to the health care system is a fraction as much.

Ear Ache - This one just makes me mad. Don't bring your kid to me for a flipping ear ache. Go to the urgent care down the road. This is what they do. You should be embarrassed to take up the resources of an emergency room with an ear ache. I promise you, that you will be waiting a long time because you are the very bottom of my priority list. The heart attack next door will be getting all my attention and you will have to wait. GO TO THE URGENT CARE~~~ Do it.

Reasons to come see me: any kind of trauma (near drowning, choking, car crash), ANY issues with breathing, if you went to urgent care but they don't you to come to the ER, or if your childs doctor told you to come.

Please understand - if you bring your child in the ER you need to mean it. You needs to feel that they are so sick that it is worth it. They may get stuck with needles. They will be scared and uncomfortable. They may scream every time I try to touch them. We may miss their IV on the first stick and have to stick them a few times. We don't want it to be that way, we don't enjoy hurting your child. But we will if it is the best treatment for the child. Don't blame me for this fact, you brought them to me to treat and I will.

Now if you do really need to go to the ER, pack up a bag of toys and your cell phone charger and be prepared to spend at least 3 hours with me. I promise I will be nice to you and do everything I can to make this easy for you and your kiddo.

Last tip - take your child to a pediatric hospital. If you were having a heart attack wouldn't you have them take you to the best heart hospital? Do the same with your kid. If you really think they are sick enough to go to the hospital, than you want them at a peds hospital. You want a place that is set up for kids and has staff that is used to working with children. We have two amazing children's hospitals in Indy. USE THEM!!!!

::scott the tree::

2011-12-26T21:15:00.000-06:00

A note from 50 year old Brooke - 

Dear 29+ year old Brooke,

Don't forget going with your big belly and two kids to pick out this crazy tree.  Don't forget that you were at that tiny place in Lebanon and the kids ran wild since you were the only ones there.  Don't forget lily helping you load and carry it.  Don't forget the kids naming it Scott and singing songs about how "Our tree is the fattiest tree in the world."  Which it just might be.  Don't forget how much those pretty little kids loved that tree and how it really made you feel the magic of Christmas.  

Love,

You

::new camera - I might throw up::

2011-12-24T04:00:00.007-06:00

Cheap Cheap Cheap. A word that I have worked hard to make a part of who I am. I don't come by it naturally. I love to just blow money on what ever I want. But I am over two years being totally on the cheap wagon and I see the major benefits that it has brought to the Shorties and the entire family.

But - I love to take pictures. I love to capture the moments and express myself with my art. I even started working on a little side business doing family photography. The addition of this new baby has made me decide to put professional pictures on hold for at least the next year. But I do hope to get back to that eventually. My favorite thing in the whole world is getting "the picture" of my kiddos. The image that perfectly captures the emotion and moment in time.

I currently have a Nikon D50. Josh bought it for me when Lily was a baby, 8 years ago. I have rarely had it out of my reach since. I take it Disney, I take it camping, I keep it on the desk in easy. I don't let my kids touch it. I protect it and love it. I feel an emotional attachment to it. We have seen lots of things together. I think of my camera as an old friend, but that old friend is getting very old.

the actual picture my camera took as it hit the ground

In our years together I never dropped it, until last winter I slipped on the ice and it fell right on the ground. I cried. The lens was broken and the flash didn't pop up automatically anymore. These were easy issues to take care of. I had an extra lens and I figured out how to manually pop the flash. But ever since then it has not taken pictures as well. It is slower and I find myself missing shots. Most of my indoor work is fuzzy. It's just not able to keep up anymore. With the new baby coming on February 3rd I need a camera that is ready for the constant newborn pictures I will be taking.

It is time for a new camera. This is were my cheap side and my artist side get in such a big fight that I am crippled with fear of making a bad choice. I love Nikon camera's. I had a film Nikon before my D50 that I just loved the feel of it. Then I got my D50 and I love the way that one feels too. They are bigger than Cannons and I love that about them. I think I have it narrowed down to two options -

Option one: Nikon 3100
Stats: 14.2 mega pixel, shoots 10 min videos, iso range 100-3200
Cost on Amazon: $599

Option two: Nikon 5100

Stats:16.3 mega pixel, rotating view screen, iso range 100-6400, shoots video
Cost on Amazon: $799

I am currently shooting at 6.1 mega pixels, so I don't have much room to go any where but up. At this moment I am currently leaning toward the 3100. It's so much cheaper and it should really do everything I want it to do. Now the money part of it still makes me want to throw up. I'm not sure I can actual buy such an excessive item. Maybe I can find a used one? I know I will have it for years, but still... $600. BARF!

::out of gas::

2011-12-23T04:00:00.001-06:00

I think we have to get a couch in the playroom.

Poor Max feel asleep like a kitty in the chair.

Such a cute little man.

::christmas program::

2011-12-22T04:00:00.011-06:00

Lily had her school Christmas program. Max was my date since Josh had to do a night shift that night. He was so badly behaved that I about killed him.

Lily was so cute! As usual she had the best drama in the group. The other kids go through the motions but my Lily is ready to perform. I think she is so fun.

::lemon sugar scrub::

2011-12-21T04:00:00.005-06:00

I really enjoy the blog Under the Table and Dreaming. Stephanie has such a creative mind and the coolest art room I have ever coveted. She had a great hand scrub recipe for mothers day that I thought might make good teacher gifts for Christmas this year.

We made a double batch of this recipe -

2.5 cups of sugar

1 cups of extra virgin olive oil

4 table spoons of fresh lemon juice

We didn't have cheese cloth so we squeezed our lemons over our rice strainer to make sure we didn't have any seeds. Then we made Josh come in and squeeze them harder than we could. The three lemons gave us exactly 8 tablespoons of juice.

Our double patch made up five small jelly jars and almost one full big jar.

Plenty for every one.

A little circle of scrapbook paper dressed them up nicely.

But Lily wanted to dress them up more, so we bought some cheap bows at target and dressed them up even more.

Cost:

Sugar $2.75

Lemons $2

Olive Oil $7

Total = $11.75

We had enough for 9 little jars (maybe 10)

But with 9 little jars our total cost was $1.30 each

We already had the jars left over form making jelly

Extra = bows $1 each

Gift bags $1 each

::max and max and the Grinch::

2011-12-20T04:00:00.000-06:00

I had forgotten that we got a stuffed Grinch and a stuffed Max from Santa last year.

My Max was delirious with joy to find them in our boxes this year.

::lily back in sports???::

2011-12-19T04:00:00.001-06:00

Lily often has her own plan.

My plan may be considered but has no real interaction with her plan.

For instance, I had this plan when she was five that she would go to a different camp every week all summer and that would help her "find" what kind of activities she was most interested in.

Four days into soccer camp at a very fancy local private school I was called to come pick her up for throwing her metal water bottle at a student and throwing a ball at one of the coaches.

Let's just say it was not one of our finer moments.

I pulled her out of the rest of the camps for the summer and she was happy as a clam.

But she flatly refused to do any sports after that.

And I learned an important lesson about not pushing her.

Imagine my surprise when three years later she brings home a sign up for a basket ball club that she wants to join.

My rule is that if you sign up for something you have to finish the class. You don't have to like it, but you have to finish. (Unless you attack the coach and are kicked out.) We reviewed the rules, but she still wanted to sign up. I was very afraid.

But it has been wonderful!

She loves it. That kid loves to compete. When its her turn to sit the bench she is so annoyed and pesters the coach to put her back in. She wants to run and shoot and play! I didn't not see that one coming. But what a pleasant surprise.

And no other players or coaches have been attacked by her.

::peppermint bark::

2011-12-18T08:53:00.000-06:00

I LOVE white chocolate. It is just about my favorite things ever. I also know that my wonderful neighbors love it too. So I thought the kids and I would have fun making some peppermint bark.

I don't actually own a double boiler so we just use a heat safe spatula and pyrex bowl - placed over a pan of boiling water. Lily got to help with spatula duty. It scares the crap out of me to let her use the stove but I was right next to her the whole time.

While we were stirring, Max was carefully crushing two pounds of candy canes. We put them in a ziplock and let him beat them with cans. It was a perfect job for that beast. When the chocolate was melted we poured in the candy canes and stirred them in. We sprayed pam into two baking sheets and then poured in the chocolate mix. We let it cool and harden for two hours and then used a fork to pop out chunks.

We ended up with a TON of it. Which is not a problem. We gave away about 2/3rds of it and kept the rest to snack on. It tastes wonderful and was a perfect kid easy cooking project.

Two dozen candy canes $1 each box X 2 = $2.00

Three bags of white chocolate chips $2.50 X 3 = $7.50

Total cost = less than $10

::Quinn's room::

2011-12-14T04:00:00.002-06:00

At some point I channeled my nesting crazy into working over time instead of doing things for this baby. Which is actually a good thing if the current shorties would like to have a Christmas this year. But know I have to start thinking about this little man. I sold a bunch of stuff and had a decent little next egg all built up to do his room with. Then two things happen - an overly expensive trip to Disney (worth it) and the sudden fact of how I was going to organize three kids into two tiny bedrooms.

Does it really make sense to spend money to redo a room for Quinn when he is not even going to be in it very long? Let me try to explain my grand master-how-to-shuffle-kids-around plan. (I just love a good run on sentence) Mr Quinn will be born around early February. At that point Mr Max will go into Lily's room and sleep in the extra bed that Emma currently uses. When Emma sleeps over we will do a queen size blow up on the floor and I bet all three big kids will sleep in it together. Sleep overs are their fav. My Quinn is going to sleep in what is currently Max's room. Yes, Max is still in a crib. Don't judge. He never tried to climb out of the cage and I never tried to teach him how. He can climb on top of the fridge, but he does not want to climb out of the crib. No arguments from me. It's just part of being a curly head I guess.

My Quinn's first room is getting no make over. Its basically a crib in a tiny room. We have historically had a changing table in our family room, not in the babies room. I think this is going to work fine. As soon as the Quinn is mostly sleeping through the night things are going to change.

Max and Quinn will go in the bigger room together. I have many great idea's and plans for how this will come together. Think a rad steal grey with orange highlights and an entire wall that is magnetic or whiteboard. Then some bunk beds and super cool boy stuff, like those great dark red lockers I have. I'll do a full idea board post soon. I am thinking this will get done some time this late spring or early summer. Then as soon a Quinn is even close to old enough I will take his crib to the burn pile and get him in the lower bunk till he is 18. I have been Pintrest-ing ideas for their room for awhile. Link here to see.

Lily will get the little tiny room redone in super upper bright pink and glam. A little girls room done over the top just like my baby girl loves. It will have to have a trundle bed for sleep overs and Emma. I'll be doing lots of idea boards on this too eventually. I think this should be done mid summer. Link here to see the start of my pintrest ideas.

Please throw me your ideas. I am also opening those two boards up so that you can add pins to them if you want to.

::mock up X-mas::

2011-12-13T04:00:00.008-06:00

Josh and I have not bought each other presents since... we met. We would have had some play money this year, but the upcoming unpaid maternity leave has us fearful. So another year with no presents. But we have been playing a cute little game with each other the last week or so. This game is titled, "What Would You Buy Me With BLANK Budget". We insert different sums to keep the game interesting. Obviously the one million mark has some pretty fun stuff attached to it. But since we have never bought each other gifts I don't know what is a normal amount of money to spend on another adult at Christmas. We usually stick to the $250-500 mark in our play land.

With that said I would buy Josh -

These weirdo ear cover things that keep coming up on my amazon page meaning he is looking at them

A new iphone upgrade. Enough said.

A ukulele, because it keeps coming up randomly in conversation. I think he might be destined to have one. How cute to see that big guy play a tiny little instrument and make happy music. Ukelele's only play happy music.

A netbook. That I promise not to steal. Pinky swear. Not even to play that odd ball game that I seem to be kind of obsessed with - LEVEL 16!!!! Maybe an iPad instead but that might already be out of my pretend budget.

Plug in heated seat for that piece of crap Saturn that he is driving around with duct tape holding together to spend nothing on gas. While his fancy truck that he loves to drive sits in the barn. He is is way too hot to drive that Saturn, but at least his butt could be warm.

And a nice beard trimmer so he can continue to come up with interesting facial hair arrangements, and I can continue to secretly use it to trim the dogs face. (His last one is broke. Maybe I dropped it. Maybe I didn't.)

::christmas planning 2011::

2011-12-12T04:00:00.001-06:00

I go into a state of military like strategy and planning when it comes time for Christmas. I make Santa long list and and check them 200 times. This is no joke. I am not kidding around. If I decided on a present for the shorties and I find it cheaper somewhere else after I already bought it I just about freak out.

Now as a former bad shopper I struggle with going to the mall and not being impulsive. There are always a few things that slip in. To get some control I do 90% of my shopping online. That way I can stay true to my list and compare prices between at least three sites before I buy anything. I try to stick to just three large sites because then returns are easier and customer service issues are quickly resolved. I have learned that it is best if all my shopping is done in the first week of December because that is a Cyper Monday week with lots of free shipping options. I only paid two dollars in shipping for every single thing that I bought this year.

The sites I used were amazon, walmart.com, and target.com
I found a killed good deal at tigerdirect.com to get Emma's netbook.

I did do some face time at target and walmart (in the SAME day - unheard of for me) to get things like hats and stocking stuffers. I managed to keep the impulse buys to almost nothing.

I keep the kids to the same number of presents every year. No one has ever noticed or counted them, but I feel like that keeps things fair. The amount of money spent its totally different, but the actual number of presents is equal. Santa brings about half the presents and all the stockings, and the rest are from Josh and I. Each kid gets a trip to the store to pick out one $20 item for the other kids. Max really wanted to get Emma a race track but I talked him out of it. The two little kids each get a morning gift in their room that they open and play with while Josh goes to pick up Emma and I make breakfast.

X-mas List 2012

Family

Seat back DVD players $100 (layaway at WM)

Leap Pad Explorer $100 (LA at WM)

Explorer case $17 (amazon)

Charger $10 (walmart.com)

App Expander $20 (amazon)

Wall mounted pencil sharpener (Amazon)

Lily

Tink explorer book $20 (LA at WM)

Fijit purple $40 (LA at WM)

Locking journal $25 (LA at WM)

Polly Pocket $19 (target)

Crayola Jewelry Maker $15 (walmart.com)

Pillow pet - zebra $20 (walmart.com)

Coat/pants $65(target)

Winter boots $30 (target.com)

American Girl Doll Dress and Mask $50 (bought)

From Emma: Zoobles $20 (walmart.com)

From Max: Zoobles $15 (target)

Morning gift

Rapunzle hair style bust $30 (Amazon)

Stocking:

Ornament $7 (target)

Hat and gloves $12(target)

Mini Sing a ma jig $5 (walmart.com)

Nail Tats $8

Flip and draw book $10 (Amazon)

Candy and small toys $20

Tooth brush

Max

Cars play rug $20 (layaway at WM)

Penguins explorer book $20 (LA at WM)

Pillow Pet - giraffe $20 (walmart.com)

Mud boots $24 (Amazon)

Lego Duplo Firestation $27 (amazon)

Duck Hunter Extreme $50 (Amazon)
This may be the toy I am most excited about, click the link and check it out

Flash light set $10 (Target)

Bath toys $30 (target.com)

Perry Jammies $10 (target.com)

From Emma: Cars $21 amazon

From Lily: BUY $20

Morning gift:

Cars track $35

Stocking:

Hand tats (Amazon)

Mini Sing a ma jig $5 (walmart.com)

Flip and draw $10 (Amazon)

Hat and gloves $9 target

Hot wheels cars $5

Small toys and candy

Toothbrush

Emma

Netbook $308.45 (tiger direct)

Case and Mouse $22 (Amazon or Buy)

Head buds $10 (walmart)

USB $10 (walmart)

Footie Jammies $20 BUY

Pillow pet $20 (walmart.com)

Boots/clothes $30 BUY

Jewelry ??? $20 BUY

Clothes ??? $20 BUY

From Max: Headband $10 (target)

From Lily: BUY $20

Stocking:

Hat and gloves $24 (target)

Sing a ma jig $5 (walmart.com)

Nail tats

Tooth brush

Make up

I basically have just about everything except for a few little things for Emma.

::girlscouts and mother daughter dances::

2011-12-10T04:00:00.001-06:00

The other night Lily and I went to the Girl Scouts Mother Daughter Pajama Night. It was a very cute two hour party for girls and their moms. I had to go out and buy us both pajama's to wear since at this point neither of us owns a presentable pair. Lily wears her Dad's T-shirts to bed and I just wear ratty old stuff that is big enough for my belly. But off we went in our matching brand new owl jammies. We decorate pillow case and made picture frames. They had a DJ and Lily danced her little heart out with me mostly just watching due to my expanding girth. Lily loved it. The whole thing would have been very cute. BUT for one little problem that has been building up.

Last year the troop had more members. This year it is down to the "core three" as I think of them and Lily. The "core three" are three little girls and their moms that are hard core about girl scouts. They have all the patches. They do ALL the stuff. The are not kidding around. The moms were big into girl scouts when they were kids. I'm not sure about all three, but two of them grew up together in the same small rural area we all live in. They all three know each other well and get along great. I have never had a problem with them. EXCEPT - (here comes the turn) for the fact that the troop leader can be one of the biggest trash talkers that I have ever met. She gets disproportionately angry and resentful about petty little things. I don't want to go into every example of it, because my goal here is not to trash her.

I am going to say just one example because I want an illustration of what I am talking about. This is just one of many situations like this that arrise. At the PJ party we brought pillows and blankets and people spread them on the floor of the 4H exhibit hall. It has cement floor and is well maintained, but still it is the floor of a building at a 4H grounds. The troops blankets were all spread out in the middle of the floor. No other troop had their stuff out that far. Someone sat on the edge of the blankets and got their picture taken with their daughter. You would have thought they peed on it. She brought it up several times and to several different moms about "those people being all over her blankets." "I guess I am going to just have to take them home and throw them all in the washer." Listen, I am not scared of dirt but I certainly wasn't going to eat food off the floor of the 4H building. She just kept going on and on and on and on about those stupid blankets. I about came unglued. I can't take that kind of negative silliness. And I don't want to be around it. What do they say about me when I leave?

Another big issue I have is that the three other girls are very close and exclude Lily. My Lily is so unused to being excluded that she hardly even notices. I think it goes right over her head. But it makes my mama bear side come raging to the surface.

If you asked Lily she would tell you that she loves Girl Scouts. If I miss a meeting she asks when the next one is. She wants so much to be part of it for all the right reasons - she loves the concept of learning new things and making friends at the same time. She loves what Girl Scouts is supposed to be. But that is not what it actually is. So for the first time ever, instead of encouraging her to try any activity she can even dream of I am going to rein her back. I am not going to let her go back. We are done. She does not know that, and I don't know how to tell her. To the leader I am going to plead too busy with new job and new upcoming baby. But I don't know what to tell Lily.

-Sorry kiddo - I don't want you hanging around negative adults because I don't trust them to be kind to you behind your back and I don't like the behavior they model to you. Besides the other kids are not including you in their reindeer games.- That's the truth, but I am not going with that. No way. I think I will just make it up as I go.

PS -

Dear Grown Up Lily -

You are the most important thing in my entire life. I constantly agonize over making the right choices with you. I yell at you too much. I am imperfect and I make excuses for my behavior. But I adore you. Every single day I adore you and no one gets the chance to demo crappy behavior to you if I can control it. Not even me. You are too good and right with the world to have to be around that stuff. I am sorry I pulled you out of the Girl Scout troop you thought you loved in second grade. It was the right thing to do for you at the time. Love - Mommy

::Quinn at 31 weeks::

2011-12-08T04:00:00.007-06:00

Quinn is now 31 weeks. He weights about 3.5 pounds and is the size of four oranges. Every time I go to NICU I take care of babies that are smaller than him. It really puts it into perspective when you hold a little person and think "this guy in my belly is even bigger than this." Amazing. He has been trucking along being a perfect gentleman. My OB appointments are smiles all the way around the room. The planning part of me was super excited when my wonderful OB told me we could schedule my induction for February 3rd. She said that this time she would just have me come in the morning of and we would not bother with coming in the night before and getting Cervadil (a cervical dilator that doesn't work on me). She wants me to come in that morning, get my water broke, and start pitocin. Josh and I say we want a baby by lunch time :)

My OB gave me all kinds of loving for only gaining 13lbs so far. I have zero idea how that happened. I eat like a horse all day every day. I told her that I deserve no credit. She didn't care, she was just glad.

Stunning to me is that I am NOT gestationally diabetic. I have not been before, but I just felt like this time was my turn. I am older and have a history of a previously large for gestational age baby. But I dodged the bullet. I was pretty afraid about giving up my Qdoba habit.

I still have not had issues with morning sickness. I keep waiting for it to hit me, but I feel like if I made it this long I should be pretty good. I am walking fine with little to no hip pain. I do the best if I work in the ED were I walk all day long. Sitting in NICU makes my hips get sore. I really have had my least complex pregnancy ever, and for that I am very grateful. But - I still have this strong pull/calling that it is time to stop. Time to count my blessings and focus on what I have. I can't ever commit to such a thing, but I for the first time in my life I finally have that "its time to stop having babies" feeling that I never could understand in other people.

But for now I am going to revel in this little baby kicking me and try to enjoy the rest of the ride.

More recent update: I got the stomach flu and ended up having to spend a few hours in triage to get some IV fluids. It's amazing what some IV nausea meds and LR can do to get you right back on track.

::all three together::

2011-12-07T04:00:00.000-06:00

I just love when I run across three kids smashed into a spot that really shouldn't hold one.

::an old trumpet::

2011-12-06T04:00:00.001-06:00

Out of Josh's parents attic came an old trumpet. This trumpet had been loved by a young Josh. It had played "Hip To Be Square" many times. It had lived in his room and been part of his daily life. It road the school bus with him and had some great times. But at some point it ended up pushed in a corner. Then it found its way into the attic. But a few weeks ago if got brought down with the Christmas decorations and sent home in my van. I had no idea how much emotional attachment I would feel for this instrument that isn't even mine.

Its like Buzz and Woody getting played with again to watch the kids play on this trumpet. Josh mentioned selling it and I freaked out. It will never leave this house unless its to ride the school bus with Max.

::flea bag dog::

2011-12-04T20:35:00.002-06:00

That poor little fluffy dog has fleas. It happens. She is part barn dog, don't let her looks fool you. I always treated my dogs with Frontline before, especially when it became over the counter. I was looking for cheap Frontline on ebay once and found a site for a lady that sells you one tube of the giant bread size, a 1mL syringe, and a small amber vial. When it arrived you put the whole tube of FL into the vial. Then each time you want to use a dose you draw up 0.64 mLs and apply it to your toy bread dog. That one tube of FL last for six applications. Brilliant. Seriously, who ever figured this out is so stinking smart.

The other day I looked down and noticed that Lizzie was chewing herself raw. Flea's were back. I only treat her when she actually needs it, not just as a preventative. I knew it was time to treat that poor little thing again. But I was feeling cheap and needed something right away. I knew that Walmart sold a generic form of Frontline. I was at my inlaws and going to a different super store so I thought I would pick some up. I bought her some Sargeant's Evolve. I applied it just as directed. The toy breed size was about three times as much product as Frontline and turned her into an oil slick. At $12 for three applications I was really hopeful for future purchases that it would work. That crap did nothing at all. I gave it a week and she was still covered with flea's. If not worse.

I trotted myself down to Walmart and bought the generic flea treatment product called Pet Armor. The cost for three toy breed applications was $25. I put one of those on her and she hasn't itched since. 36 hours latter and I can't find a single flea on her. But that got me thinking. Could I buy the giant breed size and get multiple treatments for her? What about my big dogs? Would it work on them too?

Here is a cost comparison for Lizzie who weights under 10 pounds -
Frontline as recommended pack of three =                     $13.33 per treatment
Frontline giant breed broken into dosages =                 $2.22 per treatment
Crap that doesn't work    =                                              Not worth it, even if free
Walmart brand as recommended pack of three =              $8.33 per treatment
Walmart giant breed broken into dosages =                 $1.388 per treatment

Why is it that finding another way to cut money corners makes me so stinking happy?

::testing a lily::

2011-11-28T16:02:00.000-06:00

Baby Lily

After much debate and strong but kind pleading on my part I have talked Lily's school into testing her for a learning disability. It has been coming since kindergarten and I am feeling very excited about the prospect of getting it all going. I am currently working on filling out all her paperwork. I am happy to say that after that process I am feeling very hopeful. They had a check list were you mark the behaviors that your child struggles with, I was happy she does not:

Set fires

Abuse substances

Steals

Often swears (that would be her mother)

Hallucinates

Harms animals

She did get checked on:

Fidgets

Poor concentration

Difficulty completing tasks

Often is loud

Easily frustrated

Who else does that sound like??????? Maybe me? Even her check marks are kind of cute.

::flag football::

2011-11-23T05:55:00.001-06:00

This little man found himself at his first day of flag football yesterday. He kept telling me he was going to tackle the guys. I tried to explain the concept of FLAG football, but he couldn't even listen to that. Josh and I both had this feeling he was going to go all Bobby Bushay from Waterboy on the other kids but he did not tackle anyone.

He actually listened and did what he was asked and tried hard and basically was not only the cutest kid in the 3-4 year old group but also seriously the best behaved. Amazing.

::oh - ER how I love you::

2011-11-19T04:00:00.000-06:00

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!??? Why did no one every tell me that I was GOING to ADORE being in the ER???? I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! Wow - its nice to have my brain wake up again. I love the staff. I love the social aspect of it all. Yes, I am still terrified of old ladies. One slapped my arm for "being too rough" with her tape. Which I seriously doubt since I work with preemies all day. Yes - some times the sights and smells are just down right gross. But I am having a blast. I talk to people all day long. ALL DAY! It's so much fun. The staff is wonderful and so kind to me. They take great care of this silly old baby nurse. I thought they might try to eat me alive from being so annoyed with my lack of adult knowledge, but they just love the baby info I bring to them. I am loving all the interaction with taking care of adult patients. I didn't think I would, but I really do love talking to them. Plus putting an IV in a grown up is SOSOSOSOSO much easier. You can actually say, "Hold still" and most of them listen.

I am almost done with orientation and I could not be more excited to be awake and alive at work again. I still do NICU some, but now it feels like a restful vacation compared to the mass craziness of the ER. For the first time I can actually say that I like this job.

Side note - the ER I work in does not do heart attacks or major trauma unless they walk in the front door. It is a lower acuity ER which is just the right kind of ER for me right now. Gun shot wounds and major burns are not my gig. I am all about fluids and anti nausea meds, maybe a little shortness of breath, or needing some stitches. If you are holding in your own intestines please let me find you someone else. Thanks.

::a mental update::

2011-11-17T18:09:00.000-06:00

On January 17th 2011 Josh and I found out that our 18 week old baby no longer had a heartbeat. All three of our kids were with us when we went to what we thought was going to be a normal old OB appointment. That night we delivered our son around 11pm. The entire story can be found under my infant loss label on the side. I am not going to go into it now.

What I really have been thinking about is - what's the aftermath?

Here I am 10 months later and much has changed.

- I am 28 weeks pregnant. I was blessed enough to get pregnant right away again. Thank God, because infertility would have been the final blow that pushed me into a complete tail spin. Every kick and every heartbeat on the Doppler is one little brick of healing. The moment this baby got a healthy check from his ultrasounds and when they said he was a boy, all this deep-buried-hidden-behind-numbness raw-pure-fear and sadness just started to go away. Slowly. I didn't notice at first, till one day it was gone. I wasn't faking anymore. I really was better. I feel that this baby being a boy (third in a row for the record), made such a huge difference. Now I get the son I was supposed to have. Of course I would have rejoiced in a girl, but my heart ached for a boy. My heart still aches for Zack, but its already kind of a dull ache. I just can't dwell for Zack, when Quinn is punching me in the bladder and doing the worm in my belly.

- I still thank God that Zack was taken from me with out me having to make any choices. He was gone before we knew it. We hadn't found out his gender yet, we hadn't named him yet. We didn't have to agonize over what to do for him if he had lived long enough to be born alive and weak and suffering.

- I left my beloved job as an NICU nurse in the best unit in the city to work as a float nurse in adult ER and in a much smaller NICU. The job is not nearly as spiritually satisfying as the old gig. It couldn't be anymore different, but I took it so that I could be a bit numb and a bit new and bit distracted and a bit out of that same building were I delivered Zack. Overall that was the right thing to do. I don't love the new job like I loved the old one. And I don't have to. I show up and I try hard and I leave. That works OK right now. But not forever.

- I still have the ramifications of the social anxiety that I didn't have before the baby died. It just didn't exist before. I feel like I knew how to act with out thinking about it or having to be told. But just last month I went to my cousins wedding and I had so much anxiety that I almost didn't walk in. If Lily hadn't been with me I would have chickened out. I'm not totally sure were this comes from. I do great with strangers - the patients in the ER are fun and easy to talk to and to help. I talk too much, and get in trouble for taking too long because I always have to make best friends with all my patients. (Not in real trouble, the veterans are just teasing the rookie a bit.) But you make me go talk to my extended family and I just can't take the bullshit. I've always been a bit of a black sheep in the family, but its like now I just don't even want to see them. Lucky for me I hardly do every have to. With my friends I am still a bit distant from most. It's nothing personal, and I can't even identify why. I just only want to be with Josh and the kids. I still talk to my oldest friend Hannah almost daily. But whenever I try to make or renew any other relationships beyond them (Josh/kids/Hannah) I just can't. I feel too awkward. I have made a promise to myself that after Quinn is born I am really going to put more effort into getting this figured out. Its not healthy to make yourself an island.

-The biggest thing I want to stress is that I wake up happy now. My numbness faded away and I am glad to be rid of it. It didn't suit me one bit. My depression did go away by itself. I wasn't sure it would, but it did. I am totally excited for this baby. The baby we lost doesn't cloud the rainbow of Quinn. I am a huge believer in fate (you might say "God's will"), and I do not feel any anger about the baby that wasn't supposed to be mine. Right now I am very focused on this new man that is coming my way. I can't wait to get him home and see what happens next.

::baby belly::

2011-11-16T15:03:00.000-06:00

This kid is trucking along. I am 28 weeks now. This has been my easiest pregnancy ever. I know girls that would say, "Sometimes I forget I am even pregnant!" And I always thought they were big fat liars. But I seriously get no crap from this kid. I don't get sick like I did with all the others. I really don't feel to many symptoms, sometimes short of breath and a bit sleepy but nothing too bad. Since my placenta is anterior I don't even really feel this kid too much. (An anterior placenta just means that the placenta attached on your belly side instead of in the back of uterus. It doesn't matter at all.) I can only feel him if he does the worm all the way around my belly. Which makes me laugh. This kid loved to dance already. We are still looking toward a 39 week induction based on the fact that my Max was a baby hippo in size and girth. So February 3rd is the tentative date. I will be delivering in the same hospital as Kendra, from Girls Next Door, which I think is hilarious.

::i forgot i am a farmer::

2011-11-12T04:00:00.000-06:00

Crap. Were did the fall go? It's almost over already. I have to get it together. I am so distracted with hating large parts of my job and with being prego that I have really become a crummy farmer. I have got to get it back together. Here is what needs done before the real freezes set it -

Clean out all goat pens and set out heated water buckets

Clean out the horses run in and make sure tank heater is ready to go

Clean out chicken coop and prep heated water bucket

Get dogs heated water bucket ready

Side note - Bruno got kicked again by Donkey, which is Bruno's fault as he harasses the Donk. Last time it cost $600 to have fixed. What am I going to do with him? What would happen if we don't get it fixed? Maybe he would just stop chasing the poor Donkey!

Clean out the tack room and aisleway

Clean out a horse stall and have it ready for a "just in case" horsey isolating

I actually usually do need to have one of them in a stall a few times a year for various reasons

GARDEN!!!

Till the orchard garden and compost it

Add THICK layer of leaves to the cottage garden, like two feet thick

Heavy trim of the roses

Leaves in the flower beds

Leaves on the blueberries

Make 42 plans of how to set up the gardens for next year - MUST BE BABY FRIENDLY

::josh's job::

2011-11-11T04:00:00.007-06:00

Not so very long ago Josh got a new job. He went from being an airline mechanic with grease under his nails to a button up shirt wearer. This was a huge change for us on many levels. One - we both had this secret odd unspoken pride in the fact that he had a "real job". Defined by us as a job that was not done in a cube, a job that was not done looking at a computer, a job that required real skill and hands on problem solving. We seriously never talked about this out loud once in the entire time we have been together, but it was one of the facts that just made him different to me. He doesn't wear suits, he wear kick ass vintage looking Adidas shoes to weddings with untucked shirts, he has a mohawk, he is fit, he has a big tattoo, he actually likes his wife and kids = he is different from most men. Wow - that is a great deal of admitted arrogance. Bratty Brooke is still living strong in me I guess. I know its obnoxious but I have always felt this silly amount of pride in how VERY different he is. Mostly different from my Dad if you really want to get into the Freud of it all.

Back to the new job. He got an offer to move up to the position of Aviation Engineer. An office job. In a cube. Like "Office Space" in my mind and his. But the new gig offered benefits and money beyond his old situation, and it meant that instead of climbing into fuel tanks and ripping apart his body every day be would be in less need of knee replacement on a daily basis. He agonized over taking the job. Lucky for me he is not a man that like change (probably why he hasn't traded me in for a younger upgrade), but it made taking this new job a trauma for him. He dug down and found the guts and here he is still with a mohawk but now in an attractive button down - no tie.

He new job was a good choice BUT for one little quirk. They switched his schedule. After he had been there a while they put him on nights. For two weeks he works four 10 hour days Sunday through Wednesday. It's a nice schedule with my random nursing shifts. Then the next two weeks he goes to nights!!!! YUCK! He leaves at 1pm and gets home after midnight. That makes me a single parent on those days. Which I seriously do not like. There is no one else to take the heat off. Lucky for me my neighbor that helps me can keep the kids late on the nights that I work, but on the days I am off I am spooked. I sleep terrible and in a light nervous way. I stay up too late and watch TV I have no interest in. I play stupid games on my phone. I am just not very good at being with out him any more. I don't think I nag him very much, but I whine all the time about how much I hate this night shift crap. He is working on it, and it should be temporary. But for now - what positive things can I be doing after I put the kids to bed? I don't remember what I used to do. Throw some ideas at me.

::lily is past me::

2011-11-09T04:00:00.002-06:00

Lily is growing up and growing past boundaries. She is always going to be my only little girl, and I have to remember something. I got to be in charge of dressing when she was little, it was my favorite hobby. I did it full out and to the max. She wore clothes that made me so happy. But now it is time for me to let that go. Completely. We have spent every getting dressed moment for the past few weeks yelling at each other about things being too tight or too short or too itchy or too who cares. I am sick of it. She wins this one. I give up.

I called my sister whining about this new development and she reminded me of something. When Lily was a baby I told my sister that I was going to dress her to the height of my greatest desires because the day would come that she would no longer let me. That day is today. The time has come.

The new rules are that once you try something on and approve it for purchase you can not whine about it ever again. I will buy you zero clothes with out you trying them on. Your clothes have to be weather appropriate. These rules do not apply to special events like the school Christmas program or big events. Clothing with stains not allowed outside the house.

It is time for her to find her own little sense of style, or lack there of if she wants. I need to back off.

Let's see what she comes up with.

::disney tips from this trip::

2011-11-06T04:00:00.000-06:00

I am not kidding around about my love for Disney. We drive lesser cars and make sacrafices so that we can pull off Disney vacations. We are generally really cheap people. But we make the exception when it comes to Disney World. We eat well and we do all the fun stuff. Every time we go I learn a few more things. Here is what I picked up this year

Packing list and plan
I was in an all day terribly boring meeting, so I spent the day making a packing plan. It was perfect. I usually suck at packing but this time I did well because I made myself a check off sheet. It was hand written so I am not going to post it, but it made it so I didn't forget silly things like sunscreen and have to pay 1 million dollars to replace it.

The stroller rental plan
The cost for stroller rental went up like crazy this year. We paid way too much, and the Disney strollers are cumbersome to deal with. I noticed that many people were pushing around these great double strollers. I looked them up on line. They were almost half as expensive as the junk we were pushing around. So next time I will get my Disney stroller from here.

The Dinning Plan
We have done this before and we love it. Do it. Don't argue. Don't try to get around it. Just use the dining plan. You will not regret it. BUT make your dinner reservations early.

The seven day ticket
Once you past the three day ticket the cost of kicking it up to the seven day is not that significant. Go big or go home. Getting the big ticket makes it easy to repeat a park if you want. Which we did on Epcot and Magic Kingdom. Josh was the first one to point this out to me and he is totally right. Don't tell him I said that.

Waterparks and more
Darn it - this is another Josh find. Our tickets got a little bit screwed up this time. We ended up with Water Parks and more option. Go to the web site to see more details, but it related to us by letting us go to Disney Quest and to Typhoon Lagoon. What fun. I hope we get to do this option again.

The long trip
We went for 8 nights this time. I know we can't afford to do this often enough, but we have got to make it happen again. That long trip gave us a sense of leisure that we usually don't have. LOVED IT!!!

Fast pass's - mastered
Here is the deal. We have mastered the art of the fast pass /baby swap to make lines disappear. It can not be done in a way the makes it so you get to ride every ride all day with no waits. But it can be done so that you get to ride ride your favorite rides a few times and rock the house. For example we go right to Soarin' in Epcot and get fast passes first thing. Then we go ride the kiddie rides and play around. When it is time to ride Soarin' we get our baby swap passes and then he big kids get to ride twice. The cuteness is high and the happiness factor it too. Link here to learn more about my strategies.

::2011 disney diary::

2011-11-05T13:06:00.001-05:00

We just got back from our best Disney trip ever. This is the first time that we went just us and our kids. It took off so much stress to just focus the day around what was going to work best for our family. This was also the longest trip we have ever been on and the longest blog post of all time.

Friday

Max tried very light switch in the room to make sure what they all did.

We sent the girls to school and picked them up around 10am. The kids were so excited. We listened to Lady Gaga and the song "Tonight Tonight" to get pumped up. Josh hated the music but couldn't argue with the fact that every one else was singing at the top of their lungs. We headed to the airport and used Josh's friend's employee parking pass to get free parking. (SAVING!) We always fly Southwest when ever we can, the cost is the best and the check in process never leaves us disappointed.

We used Disney's Magic Express which is a free transport system from the airport to the Disney resort you are staying at. They also delivery your suitcases to your room. We knew to pack a carry one with pool stuff so the kids could get right to swimming. We checked in and they were in the pool in about 15 mins. Josh had a margarita in hand. I had squeezed all this me into a bikini because I am too cheap to buy a maternity swim suit. I think it was cute with my big belly hanging out. Those kids swam themselves silly. Then we went back to the room and got dressed for dinner at Chef Mickey's.

On the way there Lily got a ring from one of the boat drivers. She thought it was a very special gift. I carefully pick restaurants and I felt that this one starts out the vacation with a big Disney character blast.

Max got attacked my mini mouse. Note his red check and mad face. He got over it fast.

Saturday

We started a new tradition this day. "Random Pick a Bus Day". You walk to the bus stop and the first park bus that comes is the one you got to. It happened to be...

Max spent the bus ride reminding us all to "wok and woll" - rock and roll.

When we got to Animal Kingdom we know to imediatly get Fast Pass's for the big rides. Meanwhile the little kids and I play at playground or ride a no wait kiddie ride. I miss the big rides. I can't wait till next year when Josh and I will take turn with the little ones and I get to ride some of the big rides.

Max was really ticked about being too little for the rides he wanted to ride.

Lily and Max got tattoos to start the fun off right.

I got to chill out and put my feet up while these guys all road Kali Rapids. Max HATED getting wet. He was furious at us. We had an OK dinner at Yak and Yeti. In the past it has always been wonderful, but this time they kind of rushed us in and out.

Emma had fun hanging from the bus bars on the way home and all the Schaefer's enjoyed lots of ice-cream.

I carried Quinn around all day.

Max fell right to sleep. I was not far behind him.

Sunday

On Sunday we went to Hollywood Studios. Fast passes are really important here - you have to get them as quickly as possible for Toy Story Mania, Tower of Terror, and Rocking Roller Coaster. Lily rode Rocking Roller Coaster for the first time. She loved it. That kid hates heights, but that ride is in the dark so you really don't know how high you are. Lily got her "Perry" stuffed animal that she was dreaming about. She carried him everywhere for the rest of the trip and spent serious time taking care of him.

Dinner was early at the Sci Fi Drive in. It's a cute mock drive in place. But the food was just average.

After that we went and did a few more rides. Max could not figure out the 3D glasses at the Muppet 3D Movie.

Monday

This was another really fun day. We had the Water Parks and more option on our park tickets this time, so we spent the morning and afternoon at Typhoon Lagoon. They have a no joke wave pool that I thought was going to kill us the first time it hit me. Max and I had fun chilling out while the others went of the big slides. We ate lunch there and headed back to the room.

While we were gone the maids cleaned our room and wrapped up Perry extra cute.

We ate dinner at O'Hana at the Polynesian. AMAZING!!! This was the best food we had the whole time and the kids had a blast. They literally throw tons of good food at you while the entertain your kids. It was our first time to go there and we will go every year now for sure.

After that we popped on the monorail and went over to magic night hours at Magic Kingdom.

Emma and Josh got stuck on Space Mountain while the little guys and I rode a bunch of kiddie rides we don't usually get to go on. I love how we kept separating but coming back together. We did tons of stuff together and in smaller groups so all ages got what they needed. Lily was supposed to go on the tea cups with Emma and Max but they ditched her. She had fun by herself.

The little ones were asleep in two minutes.

Tuesday

On Tuesday we slept in and then headed to Epcot. Soarin' Fast Pass's are always a priority.

We had lots of fun riding Nemo and Lily got picked to ask a question at Turtle Talk with Crush. It was very sweet.

The kids had lots of fun playing in the fountains at Imagination.

We had lunch with the princesses in Norway, and Max asked Snow White were the dwarf's were. We ate dinner at the Food and Wine Festival. I would love to come back some time and do the Food and Wine festival with just Josh and I. We had such a blast riding all the rides and taking our time.

Wednesday

Qbert is what I call Quinn in my head

We slept in and then took the boat over to Downtown Disney. We shopped around and then spent a few hours at Disney Quest. That place was so much fun! Why have we never gone before? All the arcade games were a blast. Max also got his own Perry.

That night we went to Kouzzina and the Board Walk. The food was fancy and great. The kids loved the make your own cupcake desert.

Thursday

We got up in the morning and did some great swimming. Then the kids showed me how they were playing with the ceiling fan "all night". That is exactly the kind of crap you can't do at home.

still too little

Then we headed back to Epcot to ride some more rides. We ended up back at the hotel for dinner. The kids had tons of fun sizing up what pins they wanted to trade the next day.

Friday

We got those kids up and headed back to Magic Kingdom for the final day of fun. We rode tons of rides but made it back to the hotel in time for a late night final swim. We got take out for dinner that night.

Saturday

Back home

:halloween 2011::

2011-11-03T04:00:00.009-05:00

Check out these two adorable kiddos.

::an apology to josh::

2011-11-01T09:24:00.000-05:00

I have been informed that I owe Josh an apology. He informed me. He occasionally reads my blog. I don't like it when he does. I am a little too ripped wide open sometimes and I think he finds it a little embarrassing. But I have to get it out, so he deals with it. Oddly, we almost never talk about it. He just lets my blog be my venting place and leaves me alone about it. But he informed me that I posted a picture of him from my nursing graduation in a recent post that he felt was unflattering to him. He said, "You look hot but I look terrible. I hate that picture. I want you to post a bunch of apology pictures." Here they are -

Pick a favorite

::alive::

2011-10-31T14:03:00.000-05:00

Hello! Everything is going great here. We are all good. Baby is going well. I have just had some odd writers block. But I think I feel it passing. I will be back to blogging soon.

::a lily mommy adventure::

2011-10-15T08:12:00.000-05:00

all pics off of my phone, sorry for the quality

Lily and I made a two night trip up to Chicago for my cousins wedding. I didn't want to go. I am still having some pretty major anxiety issues with face to face interaction (let's talk about that latter because I think its boring and weak). But I just decided that I could use my pregnancy as an excuse and that it would be good for Lily. I was lucky enough to get to stay with my mother which means I got to stay in a WAY fancier hotel than I would have otherwise. We stayed right on Michigan Ave. It was some serious luxury.

We went up on Friday night and Saturday morning that Lily woke up at the crack of dawn and was ready to party. I took her for an early morning walk up and down Michigan. It was almost empty out there. She was singing and skipping around "I LOVE CHICAGO!" It was one of those classic Lily moments in time that made the whole gong show of a trip worth it.

We walked by the Apple Store and they had a shrine to Steve Jobs set up. She knew something was serious about it. She stopped and asked me to read the post-its to her. She was totally fascinated with the idea of people who never knew this man writing him notes and leaving him apples on the ground. She needed me to explain why this man was important. I told her, "He made it so that people like you and I could stay better connect to each other and be even more in love with each other." She hugged me. She got it. With her little interpretation of the shrine, I got it too.

Latter that day, once my sister and her family got up, we walked the two blocks to American Girl Doll Store and spent HOURS looking at everything. Grandma did pick up a few things for Lily. Of course. I got many ideas to pass on to Santa. I even got Lily her own catalog to cut up and make into a wish list. Again, the cuteness was out of control. That kid makes life so much more interesting.

Lily made Max a few Lego's figures at the Lego store

I am glad we went, but I missed my boys. I do not like being away from them. It was good bonding for Lily and I, but I am really looking forward to the very quickly upcoming trip to DISNEY!

::happy birthday to me::

2011-10-14T04:00:00.001-05:00

I am the grinch of my own birthday.
But I sure do like this present.

::lily the great::

2011-10-10T04:33:00.000-05:00

Lily is my soul mate. We are lobsters. She is the daughter that I was always meant to have. She is mine. I ALWAYS knew that I had to have a daughter. The boys are amazing, but the daughter part of life was an essential fact. And when I sit waiting for the bus every morning - in my jammies just like my grandma used to wait with me - I ponder this little girl. I stare at her and make her sit on my lap. I smell her hair and try to keep her warm, and I rejoice in her. She is a better new and improved version of me, brought up in a totally different kind of house.

She is my tenacious points with out my ADD. She has my loop hole finder of a brain, but her mean streak is much smaller. She is no easy kid. She doesn't do anything you tell her unless she see's the reason in your request. She pushes every boundary and is amazingly talented at finding your weak spots and using them. She can push too far and make me want to go crazy. But then she reels it back is with her pure heart felt cuteness. She loves to cook with me and she loves to have chances to be alone with me. Her favorite food is sushi - tuna rolls. She saves her money so she can take me on Mommy dates. She is allergic to goats, but it doesn't seem t slow her down. She sings in the shower. LOUD. And her song choice is often the newest song on the radio. She is taking an after school baton class that she picked for herself and she loves it. She gets Max up on the weekends and brings him into her bed to read books till they come wake us up. She loves babies. She will rip you apart if you pick her up late, and remind you of it for years. If I try to sneak out to the barn by myself to feed she can sense it and comes flying out of the house. She takes as many pictures as I do. She creates at least one piece of art every day. She hates socks and leggings. She still will not wear pants. She hates getting her hair touched in any way. She flosses her teeth every day. She wishes she could wear only crocs all day every day. She would rather shiver all day than wear warm clothes. She sleeps in bed with a nest of pillow pets and blankets. She even calls it her nest. Of all the places in this house the dog picks Lily to sleep with at night. She makes lists in a way that makes me proud. She will curl up in your space no matter were you sit. So make room. She is the daughter I always dreamed about. Lucky me.

::jobby joberson::

2011-09-28T11:08:00.000-05:00

Max was two gestational weeks old in this picture from my nursing school graduation

I am not loving this new gig.

I am so bored that I often think about jumping out the window. OK - not really jumping but I would say that my largest emotion at work in pure dull grey colored boredom. And I don't take boredom well. I am used to a unit twice as big and babies that are way sicker. If there have to be sick babies in the world than I need to make them better. Not just play over paid babysitter all day long. There have to be crazy people like me in the world that want to save babies from dying and can deal with the emotional drama of it. Just like there have to be nurses that want to feed other peoples babies all day and do little else. I am not that person. It doesn't make me better than them, just different. Or maybe it means I am totally nuts.

The other issues I have with the new unit is that I was sold that I would float to other units - which I have rarely been able to do. I was not supposed to be in one unit long enough to care that much about it or to have any opinion about if I "liked" it or not. I wanted to be a gypsy going to different units every few days then repeating the pattern. But it seems I am stuck there.

It is all private rooms and I feel like I hardly ever see other people. I do LOVE the staff. They are wonderful, but I hardly get to play with them due to the private room layout. Some of the best things I learned in my old unit came from watching my peers do things. (Oh Cathy Firestone, can't I come watch you place more IV's and do art sticks?)

I am lonely - bored - on auto pilot - under stimulated - isolated - under utilized.

Now lets talk money. People in my old job and new job have commented on the big bucks I could rake in as a resource team nurse. But here is the loop hole - I only get paid when I work. AND I get canceled almost weekly. I have not had one single flipping two week paycheck that has actually been for 72 hours. Not one. I was hired on with promises out the wazoo about how I would rarely be canceled. Bull shit. I don't know if they knew it was untrue or if they had no real concept. I would like to think the later.

Then let's get my last issue out - the resource team itself is bizarrely scattered in how they take care of me. I have to send daily reminders making them do anything that I need done. I think that since I am in NICU alone (with out any other resource team members) that I am very out-of-sight-out-of-mind for them. I put a wasteful amount of effort being a squeaky wheel to make them do their jobs. I get that I need to be my own advocate, but this is just comical.

On the bright side, I am supposed to start FINALLY cross training to the ER as of Monday. These are two shifts every week that are scheduled and can not be canceled. I make less money when I am training, and I should be training for 6 weeks or more, but I feel it is a good investment. I adore the ER. It's so busy and open and social and active and foreign and crazy and loud. purrrrrrr. Another good thing is that the few times I have floated to family care I have been glowing with happiness. They know how to love each other on that unit and still give good care. Perfect. Once my ED training is done I will begin throwing fits to get trained to family care. THEN I should be able to not get canceled and still be growing and learning as a nurse. I feel hopeful that with my constant (and tiring) fussing I can still make this stupid job work, for awhile. Till I am ready to go back home.

::self invite-athon::

2011-09-25T12:49:00.001-05:00

One fall a few years ago Josh and I got a call from some friends thanking us for inviting them over and telling us when they would arrive in a few days. I just assumed Josh invited them and he thought I did. We love these guys so we were happy to have them. Latter these out of town house crashers admitted that they hadn't been invited but they just needed a place to crash as out of state alumni headed back to a Purdue game. Adorable rascals. And that is what lead to the annual "Self Invite-Athon".

This group of people are not mine. They belong to Josh. They are a group of silly and adorable and now grown up frat brothers that went through Purdue together and still love each other. Now they are married with kids and wives, but they still love each other. And this group of wives has come together from all over the country to fall in love with each other too. There is not one person in that group that I don't really enjoy being around. Not one that I secretly tolerate but don't really like.

We meet up at weddings periodically but as the amount of weddings slow down, we now need to make a more active effort to see each other. Which leads to the self-invite-athon. It has varied in complexity over the years, and sometimes it even gets skipped. But this year I was over joyed to have many couples (and even a six month old baby boy) crashing out around my house. I loved being able to host these friends.

I laughed so hard that I had to use my inhaler that I have not touched in years.
I laughed so often that my face hurts.
I slept very little and felt totally hung over every morning, but I never had more than one sip all weekend. (Sorry Quin - just one little tiny taste.)
I loved the stores of past and present
I could not get enough of our little mascot Luke. At six months he was the perfect age to hang out at an adult party and just get passed around. I may have hogged him way to much and I don't feel even a little bit bad about it.
Our bonfire was not attended for long - rain - but it was still fun.
My little house managed to work just fine for a big group of friends.
My dogs all thought they had gone to heaven, with all the dog lovers around spoiling them.
I felt pride at the cute little farm and fun little life we have carved out for ourselves.
I was reminded how much I love having girlfriends to get to know even better.
I got to go on and on and on about nursing and how much I love it. (Thanks Kasia)
I got some time with no kids, to just relax and have fun and enjoy Josh.
I got to make my favorite macaroni and cheese - pure bliss
I took almost no pictures - I was in the moment and enjoyed it. But I wish I had grabbed a few.
Hannah dropped her wedding ring in the air vent and Josh had to get in the crawl space and rip apart the vents to get it. I love being married to a man that knows how to do that kind of thing.

Lily, Max, and Quin (one n?), I need you to know that we love you more than anything else, but sometimes we need to be without you. Just like you go play at your friends house, we need grown up playdates too. It doesn't mean we preferred them to you. We have you 85% of the time. But sometimes we need grown up only time to say bad words and tell stories you should never hear and laugh too loud and sleep too little. And I really hope that I get to watch your babies some day so you can do the same things. Love - Mommy

::THE DRIVE IN MOVIE PARTY::

2011-09-18T09:01:00.003-05:00

Lily's birthday fell on a Friday this year. We had 8 balloons and her present ready for her when she woke up. We don't go huge with presents usually - this year it was some slippers she requested and a little makeup kit. Then while she went off to school I spent the day getting her party set!

The goal this year was to stay under the $150 budget and to not kill myself to put it all together. I am 20 weeks pregnant and I am trying to not wear myself out. After much thought I came up with a Drive In Movie theme. But now I had to pull it off.

I had a bunch of art supplies out and ready to get used to make the cardboard box cars.

I pulled out this old cabinet that I can't decide how to redo and used to to show art supplies too.

A nice big tub of hard core Cokes and juices kept the kids cranked up like crazy people.

I did something that I don't usually do - I had the cake made.

That is usually the most stressful party of the whole thing for me and I knew I wanted something wonderful and 3-D. So I had the lady that did my gender cake make this glorious cake. It was PERFECT!!!!!

Wonderful and affordable - if anyone wants her number I am happy to share!

Since it was a drive in movie we had trays and jars of candy.

So we didn't have a stampede we got the kids in their cars to watch the movie and then went around with trays offering candy.

We also had popcorn and hot chocolate.

My Emma acted as the hot chocolate girl. She was so cute.

She customized every ones cups. Including her own.

Lily assisted with the sound check before her guests arrived.

I tried to sneak in a quick photo shoot before her guests arrived...

But it ended up like this.

I love this picture.

Lily needed a refill so she helped herself.

My little Max had a cute car that Emma helped him make.

All the kids spent lots of time perfecting their cars.

And then we watched a few Disney shorts.

The kids sat and watched while downing candy, popcorn, and drinks.

Lily felt she needed to put on her slippers and serve her guests. I thought it was adorable.

Not much was left by the end.

The money part of it -

Supplies = $125

Cake = $60

The rest was free or borrowed

Now - I did go over budget a little. The cake pushed me right over, but it was a splurge that I loved.

GRAND TOTAL: $185

::lily and music::

2011-09-15T04:00:00.000-05:00

Lily has been all over Josh to teach her to play.

So he is working on it.

The cuteness is on a major scale.

::new china cabinet::

2011-09-12T17:43:00.003-05:00

Look at this pretty mid century modern china cabinet that wanted to be my friend.

All three glass shelves and both glass doors were intact.

Plus it is very solid.

It looked so sad at Salvation Army - I had to have it.

I brought it home, unscrewed the doors and put it up on saw horses.

I gave the whole thing a good sanding.

Then primed up those crazy doors.

And the crazy cabinet.

Then began the three coats of green on the outside and three coats of white on the inside.

Lizzie was too tired to help.

I think it turned out pretty well. The glass front will help protect the inside from dust and dirt and little brothers. And the cabinet on the bottom is a good place to hide all the doll clothes and accessories. I hope it works well in the girlie master piece that Lily and I are working on for her new room.

Cost: $30 for the cabinet

$10 for primer

$15 for green paint

$5 for a new roller

I had the white paint already

Total cost = $60

::it's a ... ::

2011-09-09T19:46:00.000-05:00

The kids were off school the Monday of my last appointment with Zack. They were busting to hear his little heart beat, so we took them with us. And we all heard the horrible silence at the same time. It was important to us to make some new memories this time. BUT NOT AT THE DR OFFICE. I will never take those kids with me to an OB appointment again. That led us to a "Gender Cake."

We went for our ultrasound this morning at 8am. They scanned and scanned and freaked me out by looking at the heart too long. The tech told me that this baby was only 18 weeks and the heart was appropriately size but too small to see everything they wanted to see. The baby got a clean bill of health but they wanted to check the heart again in a one month. She told me that she had no reason to think anything was wrong with it, and that she could tell the baby did not have any of the horrible things that I see babies die of. (God bless baby Joshua H. - Jill I thought of you lot while she focused on that heart of my baby too long.) I made her tell me twice that everything was normal, but just needed a bigger picture. I was happy with that. We recheck in one month to make sure.

We had her write down what the gender was and put it in an envelope. Then we walked over to my old NICU and had them call my baker friend and tell her. Josh and I had no idea what it was. I met the baker at 5pm and got the gender neutral cake. That night - Lily cut the cake to show us all if the inside was blue or pink. And it was.....

BLUE!!!!!!

And I am so happy. Because I felt so robbed when Zack died. I wanted that little boy so very badly. I can not replace him, but I can sure hug his little brother extra just to feel the glory of a baby boy in my arms.

Now I need to make 42 lists to figure out sleeping arrangements, college plans, future spouses, and first grade teachers. Important stuff.

Top boys name :

                Quinn Joshua

::movie party invite::

2011-09-07T04:00:00.001-05:00

Let's recall that I did not have the energy or funds this year to go insane for Lily's party. But I still wanted to do something fun. We are doing a drive in movie party. I broke my usual handmade/labor intensive routine and bought invites off etsy. They cost $13 for the art and $18 at staples to print off 35 copies. Total invite cost was 88 cents each. I can live with that.

I highly recommend the etsy shop "Cutie Patootie Designs". She had cool designs for many themes and her prices were very reasonable.

::updates on every one::

2011-09-06T04:00:00.001-05:00

Max - The Max loves school. He still calls his teacher Mrs. Beautiful. It has been one of the easiest no brainers in a long time. Stress free.

Lily - She loves her new teacher. We have had little to know "signing the book" so far. Really, very good for her. The teacher nor principal has called me yet, so that is something. I feel a little bit out of control with it. The teacher told me she doesn't really need parent volunteers this year. For some reason I always feel like I need to know what is going on with Lily. This is a good lesson in trusting someone else to take care of her. She is taking baton classes after school and wants to start guitar. Pretty cute stuff.

Emma - We have actually seen her a bit more lately. Not much, but some. I took the advice of my bloggy friends. I just text her when we are doing something and invite her to come. She barely ever does but at least she knows she can. She still takes the bus to her moms every day after school to sit alone in an empty house instead of coming to our house.

Josh - He has settled in to his new engineering job well. The only problem is that he is going to be working a rotating night shift schedule. Not every night, but some. I don't like it, but its something we have to do right now.

Me - The new job... its ok. Boring. I miss St Vincent still. Lots. But I start cross training to ER on a regular basis soon. I need something really new. My little baby is great. I feel extra crazy right now. This is the time period that I lost the last baby in. So I would just like my ultrasound on Friday. I want to know that everything is good, the gender is just an extra bonus.

::more letters - R and T::

2011-09-05T04:00:00.001-05:00

I made the R from a letter I got at hobby lobby with map scrap book paper attacted with modge podge

Then I trimmed it with an exacto knife.

This project took less than 10 minutes minus the drying time and cost less than $5

Notice Indiana in the map?

This ended up being WAY harder than I thought it would be.

It still didn't come out perfectly but it is going to have to do, because I am done with it.

I printed off a big T and traced it on a cheap canvas board.

But the pencil lines showed so I did it again just using the printed letter as a template.

Crayons cost about $5 with lots of extra's from the 120 box and the canvas pad was less than $1

This took at least an hour and was a little too tedious for my blood.

This idea came from here.

::camera and the box::

2011-09-04T04:00:00.000-05:00

I got these two boxes as mock ups for the drive in party.

They were quickly stolen by two short people.

Who did not want to be discovered.

No amount of calling would get Alberta to play along.

They tried to move the boxes to the front yard while I went inside for a minute. But this wildlife photographer discovered them.

Lizzie was too trusting to stay away.

She was captured but quickly escaped.

I finally talked them into a photo shoot.

Worked out great, right?