::jobby joberson::

Max was two gestational weeks old in this picture from my nursing school graduation

I am not loving this new gig. 

I am so bored that I often think about jumping out the window.  OK - not really jumping but I would say that my largest emotion at work in pure dull grey colored boredom.  And I don't take boredom well.  I am used to a unit twice as big and babies that are way sicker.  If there have to be sick babies in the world than I need to make them better.  Not just play over paid babysitter all day long.  There have to be crazy people like me in the world that want to save babies from dying and can deal with the emotional drama of it.  Just like there have to be nurses that want to feed other peoples babies all day and do little else.  I am not that person.  It doesn't make me better than them, just different.  Or maybe it means I am totally nuts. 

The other issues I have with the new unit is that I was sold that I would float to other units - which I have rarely been able to do.  I was not supposed to be in one unit long enough to care that much about it or to have any opinion about if I "liked" it or not.  I wanted to be a gypsy going to different units every few days then repeating the pattern.  But it seems I am stuck there.   

It is all private rooms and I feel like I hardly ever see other people.  I do LOVE the staff.  They are wonderful, but I hardly get to play with them due to the private room layout.  Some of the best things I learned in my old unit came from watching my peers do things.  (Oh Cathy Firestone, can't I come watch you place more IV's and do art sticks?)   

I am lonely - bored - on auto pilot - under stimulated - isolated - under utilized. 

Now lets talk money.  People in my old job and new job have commented on the big bucks I could rake in as a resource team nurse.  But here is the loop hole - I only get paid when I work.  AND I get canceled almost weekly.  I have not had one single flipping two week paycheck that has actually been for 72 hours.  Not one.  I was hired on with promises out the wazoo about how I would rarely be canceled.  Bull shit.  I don't know if they knew it was untrue or if they had no real concept.  I would like to think the later. 

Then let's get my last issue out - the resource team itself is bizarrely scattered in how they take care of me.  I have to send daily reminders making them do anything that I need done.  I think that since I am in NICU alone (with out any other resource team members) that I am very out-of-sight-out-of-mind for them.  I put a wasteful amount of effort being a squeaky wheel to make them do their jobs.  I get that I need to be my own advocate, but this is just comical.

On the bright side, I am supposed to start FINALLY cross training to the ER as of Monday.  These are two shifts every week that are scheduled and can not be canceled.  I make less money when I am training, and I should be training for 6 weeks or more, but I feel it is a good investment.  I adore the ER.  It's so busy and open and social and active and foreign and crazy and loud.  purrrrrrr.   Another good thing is that the few times I have floated to family care I have been glowing with happiness.  They know how to love each other on that unit and still give good care.  Perfect.  Once my ED training is done I will begin throwing fits to get trained to family care.  THEN I should be able to not get canceled and still be growing and learning as a nurse.  I feel hopeful that with my constant (and tiring) fussing I can still make this stupid job work, for awhile.  Till I am ready to go back home.     

::self invite-athon::

One fall a few years ago Josh and I got a call from some friends thanking us for inviting them over and telling us when they would arrive in a few days.  I just assumed Josh invited them and he thought I did.  We love these guys so we were happy to have them.  Latter these out of town house crashers admitted that they hadn't been invited but they just needed a place to crash as out of state alumni headed back to a Purdue game.  Adorable rascals.  And that is what lead to the annual "Self Invite-Athon".

This group of people are not mine.  They belong to Josh.  They are a group of silly and adorable and now grown up frat brothers that went through Purdue together and still love each other.  Now they are married with kids and wives, but they still love each other.  And this group of wives has come together from all over the country to fall in love with each other too.  There is not one person in that group that I don't really enjoy being around.  Not one that I secretly tolerate but don't really like. 

We meet up at weddings periodically but as the amount of weddings slow down, we now need to make a more active effort to see each other.  Which leads to the self-invite-athon.  It has varied in complexity over the years, and sometimes it even gets skipped.  But this year I was over joyed to have many couples (and even a six month old baby boy) crashing out around my house.  I loved being able to host these friends. 

I laughed so hard that I had to use my inhaler that I have not touched in years.
I laughed so often that my face hurts.
I slept very little and felt totally hung over every morning, but I never had more than one sip all weekend.  (Sorry Quin - just one little tiny taste.)
I loved the stores of past and present
I could not get enough of our little mascot Luke.  At six months he was the perfect age to hang out at an adult party and just get passed around.  I may have hogged him way to much and I don't feel even a little bit bad about it.
Our bonfire was not attended for long - rain - but it was still fun.
My little house managed to work just fine for a big group of friends.
My dogs all thought they had gone to heaven, with all the dog lovers around spoiling them. 
I felt pride at the cute little farm and fun little life we have carved out for ourselves.
I was reminded how much I love having girlfriends to get to know even better.
I got to go on and on and on about nursing and how much I love it.  (Thanks Kasia)
I got some time with no kids, to just relax and have fun and enjoy Josh.
I got to make my favorite macaroni and cheese - pure bliss
I took almost no pictures - I was in the moment and enjoyed it.  But I wish I had grabbed a few.
Hannah dropped her wedding ring in the air vent and Josh had to get in the crawl space and rip apart the vents to get it.  I love being married to a man that knows how to do that kind of thing.

Lily, Max, and Quin (one n?), I need you to know that we love you more than anything else, but sometimes we need to be without you.  Just like you go play at your friends house, we need grown up playdates too.  It doesn't mean we preferred them to you.  We have you 85% of the time.  But sometimes we need grown up only time to say bad words and tell stories you should never hear and laugh too loud and sleep too little.  And I really hope that I get to watch your babies some day so you can do the same things. Love - Mommy

::THE DRIVE IN MOVIE PARTY::

Lily's birthday fell on a Friday this year.  We had 8 balloons and her present ready for her when she woke up.  We don't go huge with presents usually - this year it was some slippers she requested and a little makeup kit.  Then while she went off to school I spent the day getting her party set!

The goal this year was to stay under the $150 budget and to not kill myself to put it all together.  I am 20 weeks pregnant and I am trying to not wear myself out.  After much thought I came up with a Drive In Movie theme.  But now I had to pull it off. 

I had a bunch of art supplies out and ready to get used to make the cardboard box cars.  

I pulled out this old cabinet that I can't decide how to redo and used to to show art supplies too. 

A nice big tub of hard core Cokes and juices kept the kids cranked up like crazy people.  

I did something that I don't usually do - I had the cake made.  

That is usually the most stressful party of the whole thing for me and I knew I wanted something wonderful and 3-D.  So I had the lady that did my gender cake make this glorious cake.  It was PERFECT!!!!! 

Wonderful and affordable - if anyone wants her number I am happy to share! 

Since it was a drive in movie we had trays and jars of candy.

So we didn't have a stampede we got the kids in their cars to watch the movie and then went around with trays offering candy. 

We also had popcorn and hot chocolate.  

 

My Emma acted as the hot chocolate girl.  She was so cute.  

She customized every ones cups.  Including her own.  

Lily assisted with the sound check before her guests arrived.  

 I tried to sneak in a quick photo shoot before her guests arrived...

 But it ended up like this.  

I love this picture.  

Lily needed a refill so she helped herself.  

My little Max had a cute car that Emma helped him make.  

All the kids spent lots of time perfecting their cars.  

And then we watched a few Disney shorts.

The kids sat and watched while downing candy, popcorn, and drinks. 

 Lily felt she needed to put on her slippers and serve her guests.  I thought it was adorable.

Not much was left by the end.  

The money part of it -

Supplies = $125

Cake = $60

The rest was free or borrowed

Now - I did go over budget a little.  The cake pushed me right over, but it was a splurge that I loved.  

GRAND TOTAL: $185

 

::lily and music::

 Lily has been all over Josh to teach her to play.  

So he is working on it.  

The cuteness is on a major scale. 

::new china cabinet::

 Look at this pretty mid century modern china cabinet that wanted to be my friend.  

All three glass shelves and both glass doors were intact.  

Plus it is very solid.  

It looked so sad at Salvation Army - I had to have it. 

 

I brought it home, unscrewed the doors and put it up on saw horses.

I gave the whole thing a good sanding. 

Then primed up those crazy doors.

 

And the crazy cabinet.  

Then began the three coats of green on the outside and three coats of white on the inside.  

Lizzie was too tired to help. 

 

I think it turned out pretty well.  The glass front will help protect the inside from dust and dirt and little brothers.  And the cabinet on the bottom is a good place to hide all the doll clothes and accessories. I hope it works well in the girlie master piece that Lily and I are working on for her new room. 

Cost: $30 for the cabinet

$10 for primer

$15 for green paint

$5 for a new roller

I had the white paint already

Total cost = $60

::it's a ... ::

The kids were off school the Monday of my last appointment with Zack.  They were busting to hear his little heart beat, so we took them with us.  And we all heard the horrible silence at the same time.  It was important to us to make some new memories this time.  BUT NOT AT THE DR OFFICE.  I will never take those kids with me to an OB appointment again.  That led us to a "Gender Cake."

We went for our ultrasound this morning at 8am.  They scanned and scanned and freaked me out by looking at the heart too long.  The tech told me that this baby was only 18 weeks and the heart was appropriately size but too small to see everything they wanted to see.  The baby got a clean bill of health but they wanted to check the heart again in a one month.  She told me that she had no reason to think anything was wrong with it, and that she could tell the baby did not have any of the horrible things that I see babies die of.  (God bless baby Joshua H. - Jill I thought of you lot while she focused on that heart of my baby too long.)  I made her tell me twice that everything was normal, but just needed a bigger picture.  I was happy with that.  We recheck in one month to make sure.

We had her write down what the gender was and put it in an envelope.  Then we walked over to my old NICU and had them call my baker friend and tell her.  Josh and I had no idea what it was.  I met the baker at 5pm and got the gender neutral cake.  That night - Lily cut the cake to show us all if the inside was blue or pink.  And it was.....

BLUE!!!!!!

And I am so happy.  Because I felt so robbed when Zack died.  I wanted that little boy so very badly.  I can not replace him, but I can sure hug his little brother extra just to feel the glory of a baby boy in my arms.  

Now I need to make 42 lists to figure out sleeping arrangements, college plans, future spouses, and first grade teachers.  Important stuff.   

Top boys name :

                Quinn Joshua

::movie party invite::

Let's recall that I did not have the energy or funds this year to go insane for Lily's party.  But I still wanted to do something fun.  We are doing a drive in movie party.  I broke my usual handmade/labor intensive routine and bought invites off etsy.  They cost $13 for the art and $18 at staples to print off 35 copies.  Total invite cost was 88 cents each.  I can live with that.  

I highly recommend the etsy shop "Cutie Patootie Designs".  She had cool designs for many themes and her prices were very reasonable.

::updates on every one::

Max - The Max loves school.  He still calls his teacher Mrs. Beautiful.  It has been one of the easiest no brainers in a long time.  Stress free. 

Lily - She loves her new teacher.  We have had little to know "signing the book" so far.  Really, very good for her.  The teacher nor principal has called me yet, so that is something.  I feel a little bit out of control with it.  The teacher told me she doesn't really need parent volunteers this year.  For some reason I always feel like I need to know what is going on with Lily.  This is a good lesson in trusting someone else to take care of her.  She is taking baton classes after school and wants to start guitar.  Pretty cute stuff.  

Emma - We have actually seen her a bit more lately.  Not much, but some.  I took the advice of my bloggy friends.  I just text her when we are doing something and invite her to come.  She barely ever does but at least she knows she can.  She still takes the bus to her moms every day after school to sit alone in an empty house instead of coming to our house.   

Josh - He has settled in to his new engineering job well.  The only problem is that he is going to be working a rotating night shift schedule.  Not every night, but some.  I don't like it, but its something we have to do right now.  

Me - The new job... its ok.  Boring.  I miss St Vincent still.  Lots.  But I start cross training to ER on a regular basis soon.  I need something really new.  My little baby is great.  I feel extra crazy right now.  This is the time period that I lost the last baby in.  So I would just like my ultrasound on Friday.  I want to know that everything is good, the gender is just an extra bonus. 

::more letters - R and T::

 I made the R from a letter I got at hobby lobby with map scrap book paper attacted with modge podge

Then I trimmed it with an exacto knife.

 

This project took less than 10 minutes minus the drying time and cost less than $5

Notice Indiana in the map?

 This ended up being WAY harder than I thought it would be.  

It still didn't come out perfectly but it is going to have to do, because I am done with it. 

I printed off a big T and traced it on a cheap canvas board.  

But the pencil lines showed so I did it again just using the printed letter as a template.

Crayons cost about $5 with lots of extra's from the 120 box and the canvas pad was less than $1

This took at least an hour and was a little too tedious for my blood.

This idea came from here. 

::camera and the box::

I got these two boxes as mock ups for the drive in party.  

They were quickly stolen by two short people. 

Who did not want to be discovered.  

 No amount of calling would get Alberta to play along. 

 They tried to move the boxes to the front yard while I went inside for a minute.  But this wildlife photographer discovered them.  

 Lizzie was too trusting to stay away. 

 She was captured but quickly escaped.  

 

I finally talked them into a photo shoot. 

Worked out great, right?